Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Jamie sat there looking down at the picture when she heard Dylan crying in the room across the hall. She jumped up and ran out of her room, over to the room he was in to see him sitting there in his bed, crying.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jamie asked as she picked him up and looked at him, “Have a bad dream? Uh damn you don’t know what a dream is. Something scare you?”, she asked as he nodded his head yes.
Then she realized he looked like Nick doing that.
“Wanna come in my room with me?” Jamie asked as he nodded his head no, “Whatcha want?”
Then he didn’t say anything.
“You want your mama and daddy?” Jamie asked as he nodded his head yes. Jamie looked around not knowing what to do, “Well they’re not here right now baby. Wanna come to my room?”, she asked as he nodded his head yes.
“Okay, let’s get your blanket and pillow,” she said as she leaned over, picking it up, “And we’ll come back over to my room and listen to some music. Wanna listen to some music?”
He nodded his head yes.
“You’re not very talkative tonight.” Jamie whispered as she walked back across the hall to her room and shut the door, “Probably know something’s going on.”, and she sat him up on her bed, taking the shoe box of pictures and put them on the floor beside her bed. She picked Dylan back up and climbed back up on the bed, sitting him in between her legs so that he was resting against her stomach.
“Alright ready to listen to a song?”, she asked as Dylan shook his head yes, and she reached over for the remote, hitting play. Then a song began to play.
People tell me to stay where you belong
But all my life I’ve tried to prove them wrong
They say I’m looking for something that can’t be found
They say I’m missing out, that my feet don’t touch the ground
But there are moments when you can’t deny what’s true
Just an ordinary day, like when I met you
It’s funny how life can take new meaning
You came and changed what I believed in
The world on the outside’s trying to pull me in
But they can’t touch me cause I’ve got you
“Well that’s extremely sad.” Jamie said as Dylan looked up at her, “You like this song?”
“Yeah.” Dylan said as Jamie put his blanket over him and shook her head a little.
I want to thank you for all the things you’ve done
But most for choosing me, to be the one
It’s funny how life can take new meaning
You came and changed what I believe in
The world on the outside’s trying to pull me in
But they can’t touch me ’cause I got you
“Oh damn.” Jamie said as she looked around, trying not to cry. Then she looked down at Dylan who was clapping his hands to the music, and she couldn’t hold back any longer.
And hits me when I reach for you
That I’m afraid you won’t be there
Maybe I am in too deep
But I don’t caaaaaaaare
I got you, to prove them wrong
Jamie sat there in tears, with her hands over her face so that Dylan couldn’t see her. He kept looking up at her to see what was wrong with her and finally sat up, turning around and put his hands over his eyes. Jamie peeked out at him to see what he was doing and she realized he thought she was playing peek-a-boo with him and it made her laugh.
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“Dude, what the hell?” Nick asked as he started to laugh, “I know you’re happy to see me but damn man.”
“Dude, Jamie called me.” Mike said as Nick looked at him, “Yo, her sister got killed today.”
“Do WHAT?!?” Nick yelled as Mike jumped a little, “What the hell? Why? How?”
“Her and her husband got in a wreck man. It killed him instantly but she lived for a little bit, but -”
“Dude, was Dylan with them?”
“No, he was somewhere else. She died right before Jamie got there with Dylan. They want Jamie to take care of him.” Mike said, “She was all depressed on the phone man. She told me to tell you.”
“Fuck, I was just over there.” Nick said as he walked over, kicking the wall, “Fuck. I should go.”
“I dunno man.” Mike said as Nick looked at him, “I mean, you know, let her come to you.”
“But dude, her sister just died and she’s got her kid well wait our kid now.” Nick said as he paused and looked around, “Whoa, holy fuck. That’s scary.”
“Yeah it is. You want that?” Mike asked, “I mean sure Jamie’s good and all but now she’s got the kid and it’s yours.”
“Dude, I know that, but - I don’t care. I love her.” Nick said, “She’s going to know that when she reads the thank you’s if she ever gets to listen to -”
“She’s listening to it. She had listened to a few songs a few hours ago.” Mike said as Nick looked at him, “She’s probably listening to it right now.”
“Damn.” Nick muttered as he ran his hands over his face.
“Just go home for right now. Let her come to you man.” Mike said, “Stop running to her or she’ll take you front granted. Let her run to you.”
“Yeah.”
“Plus you need a bath. Didn’t they have showers in that hotel of yours?” Mike asked as Nick rolled his eyes at him.
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“‘I Stand For You’” is a whack ass song.” Jamie thought as the song went off and she shook her head, “Gonna have a tattoo. Yeah right.”
She looked down at Dylan who was asleep next to her, cuddled up to his blanket that he took almost everywhere with him.
I stare at your face
Into your eyes
Outside there’s so much passing us by
All of the sounds
All of the sites
Over the earth and under the sky
Too much cold and too much rain
Too much heartache to explain
Who needs the world when I’ve got you
Switch off the sun the stars and the moon
I’ve all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I’ve got you.
“What’s his full name?” Nick asked.
“Dylan Michael Williams.” Jamie said, “Michael is Michelle’s husband’s name and it’s kind of like her name.”
“Damn.” Nick said as he looked at the picture again, “He looks like both of us.”
“Yeah.”
“He’s got your eyes.”
“Your smile.”
“Damn.” Nick said again as he opened up his backpack and put the picture inside his notebook, “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Not getting it done.” Nick said as he looked over at her, “It was stupid and I think it was the right thing at the time but obviously it wasn’t.”
“Nope.” Jamie said, “Sorry I lied to you.”
“It’s okay. I don’t blame you.” Nick said as he looked over at her and smiled.
I open my arms
Try to be true
Seems like my only truth is you
Am I wrong or am I right?
All I want is you tonight
“I think you look a bit more like him.” Jamie whispered as she started to cry again, listening to the song. She looked over at her cell phone, wondering if she should call Mike to get Nick’s number, but shook her head, realizing she shouldn’t.
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Nick walked into his house, which was completely dark, and empty. He turned a light on and looked around. He walked across the foyer, and began walking up the staircase only to stop and sit down in the middle of them, looking at the door.
[[ 1998 ]]”Well hello Mr. Carter.” Michelle said as she opened the door for Nick, “Your girlfriend is still in school.”
“Oh damn.” Nick said as he looked around, “It’s after 3:30.”
“She had to stay for some club. You can stay until then.” Michelle said as she opened the door for him to come in.
“Being nice huh?” Nick asked as he laughed a little and walked into the house.
“Always. Besides, I want to have a talk with you.” Michelle said as they walked into the living room.
“Your dad interrogated me the last time I was home for a few days. What did I do now?” Nick asked as he sat down on the sofa and Michelle sat across from him.
“Why are you going out with my sister?” Michelle asked as Nick started to laugh, “What’s so funny?”
“Why would you ask me something like that?” Nick asked, “She’s smart and she’s funny. She’s beautiful and crazy. Why not her?”
“Well see my sister and I talk.”
“Most sisters do.”
“Alright smartass.” Michelle said as Nick started to laugh a little, “My sister is falling in love with you.”
“Okay.” Nick said as he looked around.
“I wanna warn you that you better not hurt her. She’s my little sister and as much as we bitch at each other - you hurt her and I’ll hurt you.”
“I bigger than you are.” Nick said with a cheesy grin.
“That smile don’t work on me. I like Kevin, and besides, I know football players at the university.” Michelle said as Nick started to laugh.
“I know the Buccaneers.” Nick said as Michelle rolled her eyes, and crossed her eyes, “I’m not going to hurt her. She’s different than everybody else.”
“Damn.” Nick thought as he propped his elbows up on his knees, “I should really call her.”
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“Jamie!” Mrs. Marshall yelled the next morning as Jamie walked out of the kitchen, holding Dylan and then handed him to her mother, “We’re going to go meet Micheal’s parents at the funeral home.”
“Okay. I’m gonna stay here.” Jamie said, “I don’t wanna go.”
“Are you sure?” Mr. Marshall asked as he looked at her, “Think you should be alone?”
“I’m fine. I think I might go call a friend of mine.” Jamie said as she hugged her father, “If I’m not here I’m gone somewhere.”
“Where?” Mr. Marshall asked as Jamie looked at Dylan and back at her father, “Mike’s. A friend of mine.”
“Boyfriend?” Mrs. Marshall asked, as Jamie nodded her head no.
“Remember Nick’s friend Mike? Him. I talk to him sometimes.” Jamie said as her father looked at her, “Don’t look at me like that. Just don’t even start it today.”, she said as she began to walk upstairs. She walked up to her bedroom, went in and shut the door behind her. She looked in the mirror at what she had on.
Baggy jean overalls and a little white t-shirt. Then she started to laugh realizing it’s what she wore all the time when she was younger. Of course, it came out of her closet and she couldn’t believe she was still basically the same size she was when she was 17.
“Hmm, I think I have one more song left.” Jamie thought as she walked over to her stereo and picked up the CD case. She looked at the back of it.
Don’t wanna close the door
Don’t wanna give up on it
Don’t wanna fight no more
We’ll find a way around it
Where’s the love we had?
We can make it last
Tell me what I gotta be
Tell me what you wanna do
Cause I can’t live my life
The way you want me to
You know I can’t go on
Living like we do
Do I have to cry for you?
So tell me what it’s for
If there’s no winner in it
Nobody’s keeping score
Let’s start from the beginning
Can we make it last
With the love we had?
Tell me what I gotta be
Tell me what you wanna do
Cause I can’t live my life
The way you want me to
You know I can’t go on
Living like we do
Do I have to cry for you?
Jamie sat there with tears running down her face, listening to the lyrics of the song. She moved her hand up, wiping tears away from her eyes as fast as they began to fall until finally she couldn’t do it anymore, and began to break down.
Do I have to cry for you?
Do I gotta stand in the cold dark night
Til the morning light?
Do I have to say I won’t let you get away?
Tell me what I gotta be
Tell me what you wanna do
Cause I can’t live my life
The way you want me to
You know I can’t go on
Living like we do
Do I have to cry for you?
The song ended and “Girls In The USA” came on but she had already listened to it. She sat there in tears, crying until finally she started to cough and looked down at the CD case.
She opened it up, and flipped through and then stopped. She saw the credits for “Do I Have To Cry For You” and realized Nick wrote it. She flipped through the booklet, seeing the pictures until she reached the thank you’s.
He thanked the usual people, his family, his friends. Then there were all the producers and writers. Don’t forget the assholes at Jive who needed their names in there and people from his management. Then she looked down to see two more paragraphs - one for the other guys in the group, and one for her.
She looked up, and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Finally she opened her eyes and began to read them:
Jamie - You’re a part of me, you grew in my heart and now I want to grow old with you. I know I’ve made mistakes in my life, but loving you never was. There were two right things in my life, you and my career. I don’t want to lose both of them, because it’s what I love. You wouldn’t want to be with someone who was incomplete would you? That’s what I am without it. It’s my fire, my mistress; it’s a part of me, like you’re a part of me. I need you in my life, like I need my career. I’ll always love you more than my career, no matter what. Thanks for everything. Love you always forever. If there’s something I’m sure of, that’s my love for you. I’ll always be there for you, even if you don’t want me to. Thank you my love for all the endless nights of love.
Jamie put the CD booklet down beside her on the bed, and put her hands over her eyes, trying to wipe the tears away, until something told her to pick the book back up. She looked over, picking it up and turned the page to see a little post it sticking over a picture.
Like all the meanings of the songs? It’s now or never.
“Like all the meanings of the songs?” Jamie asked out loud as she looked around. She jumped up, running over to her desk to grab her purse and keys and ran out of her room, shutting the door behind her.
