Fact: Nick’s falling in love with me too.

I’ve sat here all night, thinking about what happened with Nick. I kept replaying it all in my mind and I wondered if I ruined Nichole’s relationship with her father by not telling him the truth: I felt the same way. I wondered if Nick was going to walk out of our lives now after thinking that he made a fool out of himself.

Diana came over to pick Nichole up and reassured me that Nick wouldn’t walk out of our lives. I had a nice long conversation with her about what happened with Nick and Nichole over heard us. She told Diana exactly what she had told me in the car, that Nick’s secret was that he was falling in love with me. When I think back to when Nichole first told me about the secret, it was before I ever slept with Austin.

That makes me feel bad for not even realizing it. I could have saved a lot of trouble with Austin if only Nick had told me or showed me in some way. Maybe he did and I was just too blind to see it? I’ve never actually been in love before so I’m not sure if I would even recognize the hints.

Diana says that almost everything he’s done for me is a hint. She says the way he helps me take care of Nichole is a hint. The way he ran after me when I thought Austin was cheating on me at the restaurant was a hint. He wanted Austin out of my life so that he could be with me. I was so blind not to even realize it when Nick worked so hard on the portfolio of my work so that Johnny would give me the job. Then there was the way he ran after me when I found out that Austin was married.

Then there’s the one major hint: He wanted to be my first.

I’ve replayed all of those moments in my mind over the past few hours and I think they have made me love him more. The only thing that scares is me is the fact that I don’t think I’m pretty enough for him. I don’t feel like I’m good enough for him. I don’t fit the whole pop star girlfriend thing. I start to question whether it’s just infatuation or love and there’s one thing that reminds me that it’s love.

I listened to music for him.

I loved Joe Don and I still do deep down, but I never listened to music for him. I never listened to music for anybody, except for Nick. He helped me walk my way through it and intrigued me so much that I wanted to listen to it. I wanted to hear what his voice sounded like when he sung.

I love his voice. I’ve laid here on the sofa all night, listening to a song called “Who Needs The World” on repeat. His voice is so pure and sweet in that song. The lyrics are so beautiful and angelic I think is the word I’m looking for. It’s been so long since I’ve listened to music, it’s almost like learning to drive. You’re not sure which gear or genre to put the car or stereo in and you don’t know how fast you want to go. I’ve decided to take it slow and listen to sweet ballads; mostly sweet ballads by Nick or his group.

Just as the song started to play again, the phone rung and I jumped. I reached over to the phone, answering it out of breath. I closed my eyes, praying it was Nick.

“Savannah, it’s Brian,” a voice said as I sighed. “Has Nick gotten back there yet?”

“No, I haven’t seen him since earlier this afternoon, right after lunch,” I replied, leaning back on the sofa again. “I suppose he told you,”

”Yeah,” he said, sighing himself. “He was really upset.” I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear that. “Girl, I don’t know how to say this or what you’re feelings are, but I’ve never seen Nick like this before.”

“Meaning what?”

”He has changed over the course of the past few months,” he said as I put my left hand over my eyes. “He’s not the Nick that he used to be and you’re the reason for that. He’s grown up. He knows what’s important and he knows what he wants,”

”Why does he want me?”

”You’re Nichole’s mother,”

”Yeah, but, pardon my French, but I’m fucked up Brian. I’m not his type of girl. I’m not perfect or anything,” I said, wanting to cry. I didn’t, I just held it all in.

“Savannah, that’s what he likes best about you because he’s not perfect either,”

“Well I could have told you he’s not perfect,”

“You love him too don’t you?” Brian asked as I sighed again. “Don’t you?”

”Why do you say that?”

”He’s told me that you listened to music for him,”

”So?”

”Diana explained to me once how you hated music and never listened to it. You listened to it for him Savannah –“

”Fine,” I said interrupting him. “Yeah, I have feelings for him okay?”

“Then tell him because he’s feeling really shitty right about now,”

”Maybe,” I replied as I sat up. “I’ll tell him to call you if he shows up,”

”Thanks, and tell him okay?” Brian said as we said goodbye and I hung up the phone. I sat there staring at my hands, looking at them shake.

I was nervous and scared and I had no idea what I was doing. I had never been in this kind of situation before. Not only was I pregnant, but this great guy is in love with me. What makes me even more nervous is that I love him too. I just wished that I had realize all of this before I ever slept with Austin.

I look at the clock to see that it was almost midnight. I hadn’t showered or anything and I knew that I needed one. If I sat around doing nothing for another minute I would absolutely go mad.

I needed a nice shower to calm me down.

After an hour long bubble bath, I’m still the only one in the apartment. I almost fell asleep in the bathtub but luckily I woke up before I did. After I put on my little tank top and lacey shorts that I usually slept in, I stared at myself in the mirror. I actually thought I looked decent in these pajamas’s considering they were very snug. That’s how you are supposed to wear them. Luckily enough I can use the fact that I’m pregnant for my little pouch on my stomach, but it’s not that. It’s because I’m fat.

I stared at myself, wondering what I would say to him. Do I bluntly tell him that I love him too? Do I go through the woods and back before telling him that I love him? It was a little after one in the morning and I’m sure that I won’t be worrying about that tonight.

I brush my hair one last time, pulling it over onto my left shoulder and walked out of the bathroom. Then I paused; Nick was leaning against the door. He was there and staring at me as he leaned against the door. I was frozen. I didn’t know what to do or say to him. I didn’t know if I should talk first or if I should wait on him.

“Is Nichole in bed?” Nick asked as I shook my head. “Then is she awake?”

”She’s at Diana’s spending the night,” I replied, looking down at my pajama’s.

“Oh, well, okay then I guess I’ll just go back to Brian’s –“ he said as I interrupted him.

“Listen don’t go okay,” I said as I started to walk closer to him. “I don’t want you to leave like you did before.”

”No, I made a mistake and I shouldn’t have said what I did –“

”No –“

”I’m sorry that I feel the way that I do. I never meant for it to happen Savannah, but I’ll just put it behind me for the sake of our daughter, okay?”

”Nick, listen –“

”I just got all nervous because I’ve never felt like this before and it was with you and I thought you were crying because you loved me too –“

”I was crying –“

”I just thought by telling you it would make things less awkward with us because I’ve started to become so nervous around you,” he said as I interrupted him by putting my hand over his mouth.

“Shut up,” I whispered. He stopped talking and moved my hand from his mouth, staring at me. “I was scared. You have to think about everything I’ve been through the past few months from basically sharing my daughter with another person, to becoming infatuated with Austin to being pregnant. What you said took me by surprise Nick, and I don’t hate you for it.”

“You don’t?” He asked. I shook my head and smiled.

“I want to ask you something,” I asked, looking down at the buttons on his shirt. “When did you realize that you loved me?

“When?” he asked as I looked up at him. He licked his lips, looking up at the ceiling. “There was something about you on that first date that intrigued me. I meet people all the time that intrigued me.”

“Why?”

”I don’t know,” he said. “When I found out that you were my daughter’s mother…I knew it would happen. Every time I was with you and Nichole, I felt complete.”

“Like a family?” I asked as he nodded his head.

“I think realized it the night we went to that benefit with Jermaine Dupri. We danced,” he said, looking into my eyes again, “and I remember looking in your eyes and they were so full of life and love and you could have told me to drop to my knees right then and I would have. You had me,”

I felt my eyes watering up, staring back at him. My lips were shivering and my hands were shaking. I wanted to say something so badly but I didn’t know what words to say. I didn’t know if I could form a complete or coherent sentence for him to understand.

I leaned up closer to him, pressing my lips against his gently. I closed my eyes, feeling his lips kiss me back. I felt his arms move around my back as the kiss deepened even more. I moved my hand up to the side of his face as I backed away slowly, opening my eyes.

“That’s why I was crying,” I whispered, seeing a smile come upon his face. “I listened to music for you Nick, doesn’t that tell you anything?”

“What is it suppose to tell me?”

”After I found out about Austin, I looked at you in a different light and each day you do something to make me like you even more and it’s come to the point that I love you,” I said, moving my hand to wipe a tear away. “But, I’m having a baby and it’s not yours –“

“Not mine by blood,” he said, moving a strand of hair out of my face. “The same way it is with you and Nichole, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t be it’s father too.”

“Really?”

”I never thought I would say this anytime soon but I want that. I want what Brian has. I want that with you and Nichole and this baby,” he said as I smiled. “I want us to be a real family. I want us to get a house together, and be together, and I want you so bad that I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Want me?” I asked. Nick nodded his head, smiling. “God I thought it was just me,” I replied, leaning up to kiss him deeply again.

I ran my fingers up the side of his head, through his hair as he took my mouth into his. His kiss was so strong that I actually started to get weak in my knees. I think he realized that and wrapped his arms around my back, holding me against him.

I got so lost in the kiss that before I knew it, we were in my bedroom. We both backed away from the kiss and stared at each other, completely out of breath. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I opened them back up to see Nick pulling his buttoned up shirt off.

“I wanna be the first person to show you what it feels like to have someone make love to you and mean it,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss my lips again. “Can I show you that?” he whispered against my lips. I opened my eyes slightly, looking into his.

“Show me everything,” I replied, wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him again. We fell back on the bed, getting lost in our kisses again. I could have stayed like that and kissed him for ever. He moved away, sucking on my bottom lip and smiled at me.

I knew this was going to be one of the best nights of my life.