Question: Do I tell him or not?

I stared at Nick, while wiping tears away from my eyes. I was speechless, and I didn’t know what to say. Suddenly the DVD started playing again. Damn that 1 minute pause button. Damn it all to hell.

“Savannah, what’s going on?” Nick asked as he stared back at me. “You’re not freaking out. Why are you not freaking out? You’re listening to it!” he said as he walked over, standing in front of me. “You’re listening to me, to the group.” I nodded my head slightly and looked away.

“You’re a good singer,” I whispered, looking back at the TV.

“I’m so proud of you right now,” he said as I suddenly felt him embrace me. I froze again, feeling his arms around me, hugging me tightly. “You’re slowly getting it back,”

”Yeah,” I said, moving away from him. I wiped tears from my eyes as I walked towards the DVD player, turning it off completely.

“What’s the matter?” he asked as I turned around, looking at him. “What were you going to tell me before my cell rung and why are you looking at me that way?”

“Nothing,”

”It’s something,” he said as I rolled my eyes. “It’s the reason why you’re crying isn’t it? You don’t seem so happy about being able to listen to music Savannah. It doesn’t have anything to do with that does it?”

”Nick, now’s not the time,” I said as I started to walk towards my room. He stepped in front of me, blocking me, and wouldn’t let me by. “Nick, go back to work okay. I’m happy that you’re happy about me listening to music. I’m glad that I can make you happy.”

“I know what it is,” he whispered. I froze again. I, for some reason, was freezing in my tracks a lot lately; especially around him. “I know,”

”You know what?” I asked, swallowing hard.

“I know what it is,”

“No you don’t,”

”I’m the same way,” he said as I looked at him questionably. “Me too.”

“You feel like you’re going to throw up?” I asked, putting my hand on my stomach. “That’s what I feel like right now,”

”Savannah, stop joking,”

“I’m not joking Nick. I really feel like I’m going throw up,”

“I’m falling in love with you too,”

I looked away, hearing his voice echo in my head. I felt like I was about to pass out but I knew that I wasn’t. Did he just say what I thought he did? Did he say that he was falling in love with me too?

”Listen,” he said, walking closer to me. He reached for my head as I kept looking down, staring at the whiteness of his t-shirt. “I didn’t plan for it to happen either and I didn’t want to say anything because of everything that has been going on with you with Austin and now the baby –“

”Nick –“

”I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the fact that I want Nichole to have what I never really had, and I know things will never be normal with me because of my career, but since I met you and she’s come into my life, I’ve changed and it’s all because of you.”

“Yeah you have changed,” I whispered, looking him in his eyes.

“And, yeah, I know it wasn’t love at first sight and I know we had a rough beginning but I love how smart you are and how much you care for Nichole. I love how you want to be in love so badly that you take consequences that aren’t for the best,”

”Austin –“

”Yeah, but I realized something when it came to him. You don’t need some macho doctor with the nice car and college degree. You just need someone that gives you attention, and cares about you and Nichole, and that’s exactly what I need. You don’t drop to your knees and you’re not here for my every beck and call. I love that about you. You tell me when you don’t like something and that’s what I need, someone that doesn’t really give a damn who I am or what I do,”

“I don’t care who you are,” I whispered, looking back down at his hand, holding mine.

“You don’t care, and I love you because of that,” Nick whispered. I looked back in his eyes. I was confused more than anything. Diana was right. I knew the possibility of him having feelings for me could be true because of some of his actions, but I never knew he felt this way about me.

He looked down at my hand and then looked back at me. “You’re shaking. Why are you shaking?”

“I’m cold,” I whispered, shivering a little.

“It’s not cold in here,”

“I don’t know,” I whispered as I backed away. “I’m confused; I don’t know anything right now.”

“Confused about what? That I’m falling in love with you?”

“Yes!” I replied, causing him to jump a little. “Six months ago I had no boyfriend and I didn’t have any prospects of one, and now you’re telling me that you’re falling in love with me and I’m pregnant with some married guy’s baby Nick. I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Then what were you crying about?” he asked as I looked away. “You’re parents?”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know whether to lie, and tell him yes, or just tell him the truth, that I think I’m falling in love with him too.

“I totally crossed the line didn’t I?” Nick asked as I looked back at him. I bit down on my bottom lip, not knowing what to say. “God, I’m such an idiot,”

”Nick, don’t think that okay,” I said as he started to walk towards the door. “Where are you going? Don’t leave okay,”

“I need to go for a drive and leave you alone,” he said, turning around to look at me. “I know I just crossed a line and I’m sorry.”

Before I could say anything, he was gone. The door was shut and I busted into tears once again. I couldn’t believe what he had just told me. He’s falling in love with me too. I wiped my tears away, and walked over to call Diana. I had to tell her what had happened.

“He’s falling in love with me,” I said into the phone as she answered it. “He just told me and I didn’t know what to do so he took it the wrong way and he left,”

”I was right!” Diana shouted as I closed my eyes. “I knew he was Savannah. The things that Brian has told me about Nick and what he has said about you, I knew he felt that way,”

“I knew it could be possible but I didn’t think it was true,” I replied, sitting down on the sofa. “I don’t know what to do,”

”Tell him what you’ve told me,”

”Diana –“

”Savannah, you wanted to fall in love, this is your chance.”

”I had a chance and look where it got me,” I replied, rolling my eyes.

“Yeah, but sweetie, this is Nick. He’s not just some random guy that I set you up with. He’s Nichole’s father,” she said. I put my left hand over my eyes. “Do you want to give your daughter a real family, this is your chance and he loves you,”

“Everything I’ve done with guys has just lead me to trouble Diana. They are nothing but trouble and Nick will just be another one –“

”Savannah, open your fucking eyes and look at what’s real,” she said bluntly as I moved my hands from my eyes. “What you’ve always wanted was right there in front of you, telling you that they were falling in love with you. If you’re crazy enough to just throw that away, and possibly ruin your daughter’s relationship with her father, then I can’t help you,”

I sighed, knowing that she was right. After getting off the phone with her, I went and took a long look in the mirror at myself. I didn’t like what I saw, but I knew for some reason that I had become a better person because of Nick and the things that I had went through with Austin.

I waited around the apartment, thinking Nick would come back but he didn’t. I called his cell phone and his voice mail came on. I figured that he wouldn’t go pick Nichole up from school so I went and picked her up a few minutes early, so that we wouldn’t run into each other at her school and make an awkward appearance together.

Looking at Nichole talk about their trip to the library today is a sight to see. She looks so happy and energetic all because of a book. For some weird and strange reason, it makes me happy that she loves to read as much as I love to write. Maybe she’ll grow up and become an author, something that as much as I would love for it to happen, will never be.

“Nichole, can I ask you a question?” I asked as he walked to the elevator in our apartment building.

“What is it Mommy? I can show you where the library was!” she said as I laughed.

“Do you remember telling me that Nick had a secret that he told you?”

”I do Mommy but I can’t tell you,”

“Listen,” I said, pausing as I kneeled down to look at her. “Did he tell you that he loves me?”

”Mommy, how did you know that?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips in a sassy way. “Daddy said he wasn’t going to tell you!”

”That’s what the secret was?” I asked as Nichole nodded. “But that was a while ago, he couldn’t have loved me then –“

”Mommy, Daddy loves you like Daddy’s are suppose to love Mommy’s.”

”He does?”

”He says you don’t love him back so that’s why it’s a secret,” she said, putting her index finger over her lips.

I sighed, knowing that she was too wise beyond her years. “Baby, it’s not that I don’t love him –“

”Do you love Daddy?”

”You don’t understand what I’m about to say but –“

”I want you and Daddy to be like all the other Mommy and Daddies,” she said, leaning over to give me a hug.

“I know you do,” I replied.

We went up the elevator to our floor, and walked down the hallway slowly, holding one another’s hands. I prayed that Nick would be in the apartment when we got back but as I opened the door – there was nothing.

It was an empty apartment with nobody in it. I was hoping that he would be there but he wasn’t. I knew he had to be really upset with me, or at himself for saying the things that he did.

I knew I had do something. I couldn’t ruin the friendship that we had built. I couldn’t ruin it for myself and definitely not my daughter. I needed him no matter how much I wanted to deny it, but I couldn’t just sit here and do nothing.

“Here you go,” I said, giving Nichole her cup of juice as I held the phone up to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Diana –“

”Did you talk to him?”

”No,” I said, sighing. “I need a favor,”