Confession: I have a crush on Nick.

I can’t get him out of my mind. Even when he’s not here, I think about it. When he’s here, it’s driving me crazy because I find the littlest things absolutely adorable. His lips, his eyes, his hands, his smile; his everything.

It seems sudden, very sudden. Maybe what I felt for Austin was just lust, pure and simple lust. Maybe it wasn’t love after all, because I’m over him. I’m still hurt, but I’ll love again. I’m not saying that I will love Nick because I just have a crush on him right now. That doesn’t mean that I will never love him.

Diana and I had lunch together today and we talked about him – a lot. She reminded me of what I said the night that Nick and I had our blind date. She said that I could have jumped him across the table because of his lips. I don’t remember saying that, but it sounds like me. I have a thing for a guy’s lips. Nick has nice lips. They are lips that you just want to kiss and bite and suck on slowly.

That’s when I stop myself and wonder how could I possibly think of Nick this way? I feel like I’m going to set myself up for heartache. Diana seems to think that he has a crush on me too but I don’t believe so. He’s too comfortable around me to have a crush on me or anything. I know he doesn’t. Why would he?

Then I think about all the little things he’s done to me and said to me. He worked so hard on a portfolio for his management so I could get a job. He went after me when I found out about Austin. He didn’t try to take Nichole away from me and he could have done that. He’s been really good to me, and good for me. Deep down I wish he did feel something for me, because then Nichole could have her perfect little family and live happily ever after.

Last night he came in from a recording session and Nichole was already asleep. I was on my laptop, doing some research on the group from some work that Johnny’s secretary had sent me. He sat down beside me, directly beside me, not on the other end of the sofa. He leaned his head back, taking deep breaths and I could have died right then and there.

Diana says that we might as well be living together and she’s right. He stays here more than he does anywhere else. He’s made himself at home here. He showers here, eats here, sleeps here: everything. There’s a little part of me that wishes he would sleep in my bedroom but I know that just leads to trouble. I’ve learned my lesson with Austin and I’m not having sex again until I get married and if I never do, then I’ll never have sex again.

“Mommy, Daddy and I are home!” Nichole yelled as she and Nick walked into the front door that afternoon. I layed there on the sofa, staring at Oprah on the television and didn’t even move. “Mommy, are you napping?”

”No, sweetie, I don’t feel too good,” I replied, sitting up a little to see Nick taking his shirt off. Hello. “I have a tummy ache I think,”

“Vanessa in my class had one today too. Her Daddy had to come get her and take her to the doctor,” Nichole said, sitting on the couch with me. She looked back at Nick and started giggling. “Daddy took his shirt off,”

”What are you giggling about?” Nick asked as he walked up behind the sofa. He leaned over, causing her to giggle and I laughed a little.

“Daddy, why do you have so many drawings on you?” she asked, pointing at his arms. “I like your drawings better than Uncle AJ’s,”

“I get bored easily so I had to be creative,” he said, looking over at me to see that I was staring, “Probably disgust you right?”

”I have a tattoo,”

“Oh really, where?”

“On my ankle,” I said, lifting my leg up to show him my left ankle. Then I paused, realizing what it was.

“NC?” he asked, smiling at me.

“My parents, Nichole and Charles,” I said, putting my leg back down. “Not Nick or Carter,”

”Well it could be for me, Nick Carter, or Nichole Carter –“

”Daddy, my last name is Shiver,” Nick said, pulling on his nose. “Just like my Mommy’s last name,”

”It is, isn’t it?” Nick replied, looking at me. “I’ve never asked this but what’s her full name?”

“Destinie Nichole Shiver,” I whispered as Nichole smiled. “Destinie spelled with an –ie at the end,”

“But my name by Nichole,” Nichole said. She turned around, facing Nick and pulled his nose again. “What’s your last name Daddy?”

”Carter,” Nick said, looking at me. “You think it’s possible for her last name to be, you know -,” I just stared at him in return. “I know, it’s crossing the line –“

”No, I know what you mean and maybe,” I replied as he smiled at me, biting down on his bottom lip. There I was, dead again. “Shiver-Carter,”

“Sounds good to me, but why did you pick Destinie?”

“Because it was Destinie that she’s mine,”

“I came from right in there,” Nichole said, putting at my stomach, pressing down on it.

”Ouch Nichole, that hurt,” I said, grabbing my stomch. “You’d think with the fat that it wouldn’t hurt,”

”Oh Mommy, I’m sorry,” Nichole said, hugging me. “I didn’t mean to.”

”I know Sweetie,” I replied as I leaned over, cramping slightly. “You didn’t mean to,”

”Are you okay?” Nick asked as he walked around the sofa and kneeled down. “What happened?”

”She just pushed down on my stomach and she didn’t do it hard but it hurt,” I said as I felt another sharp pain. “Okay that hurt, badly,”

”Maybe it’s your appendix,” he said, running over to put another t-shirt on. “We’re gonna take you to the hospital,”

”Nick, I’m fine,” I said, standing up a little. My stomach started to cramp more when someone knocked on the door. “Okay I think I wanna go to the hospital now,” I was almost in blinding pain. I’d never felt pain like this before in my life. I looked up, seeing Nichole standing beside me. She looked like she was going to cry. “Don’t cry baby, it’s not your fault,”

”Savannah, are you okay?” Diana asked, walking over to me. I shook my head and closed my eyes, feeling another cramp. “Nick, you better take her to the hospital. I’ll stay here with Nichole,”

”No, you take me,” I said, standing up from the sofa. “Nick can stay here with her,”

”No, Nick will take you,” she replied, staring at me. I rolled my eyes at her, making a face as Nick walked me over to the door.

“I’m feeling dizzy,” I said as we stopped in the hallway. I looked over at Nick, seeing four of him and I knew what was gonna happen. I was about to pass out.
- - -

”Savannah,” a voice whispered as I tried to open my eyes to a really bright light. “Savannah, you awake?” I opened my eyes slightly to see Nick sitting beside me. I lifted my head, looking around to see that I was in a hospital bed. “You’re in the ER. You passed out on the way to the hospital,”

“What happened?” I asked as I put my hand on my stomach, “God, my stomach is sore,”

”They’re not sure yet. It wasn’t your appendix so they did some test,” he said, moving my hair off of my face. I looked up at his hand and then back at him questionably. “Austin’s on call though,”

”Oh god, wasn’t he suppose to move?” I asked as I put my hands over my face. “Can’t he go work at a vet’s office? He’s a dog anyway,”

”Good one,” Nick said, snorting. “Are you feeling okay?”

”I’m not cramping anymore,” I whispered, looking at him. “There’s something you don’t know about me. I have a low tolerance for pain,” I sighed, leaning my head back. “Where’s Nichole?”

”At the apartment with Diana who had just dropped by. I called her and told her that you’re okay that you were just taking a nap. She’s upset thinking that she hurt you so I tried to calm her down,” he said as I smiled at him.

“Thanks for being so good to her,”

”How else would I be? She’s my daughter,”

“If you would like her to have your name then we can do that,” I whispered, causing him to smile again. “Shiver-Carter though so that it’s both of us,”

“You don’t know how much that means to me,” he whispered, leaning over to give me a kiss on the cheek. It wasn’t exactly on my cheek though; it was almost at the corner of my mouth. “Want me to see if you can have some water or something to drink?”

”Yes please,” I said as we both looked up, seeing Austin walk in. “Or you could go get a gun and kill him, whichever you’d like,”

“Hey,” Austin said, looking at Nick and I. “Just so you know, I didn’t come in here on purpose. The doctor told me to come in here and talk to you,”

“Well we already want a second opinion,” Nick said, rolling his eyes.

“Well,” Austin replied, opening the folder up. “There was no appendix eruption,”

”Hernia?” I asked as he shook his head.

”Well Dr. Asshole, what is it?” Nick asked as I looked at him.

“Your pregnancy was in trouble,” he said, crossing his arms, staring at me. “When did you find out you were pregnant?”

”What?” I asked, looking at Nick. “I didn’t find out that I was pregnant and I’m not pregnant anyway, so go get your supervisor and bring him back here,”

”Savannah, the test results are right here. They took blood and did a test on it to see if there were any infections in your body and they ran a pregnancy test,” Austin said, walking over to show me the chart. “Right there,” he said pointing to:
Pregnant: Positive

“I’m pregnant,” I said, looking at Nick. He just stared at me in return. I didn’t know what to say. How in the hell did I get pregnant?

“This is usually the time where I’m suppose to leave the couple alone,” Austin said as he sat the folder down on the edge of the bed, “But considering I’m the father –“

“The father?” I asked, staring at him. “I’m sorry but I don’t see your children here. Is your wife in the waiting room?”

”Savannah, you know what I’m talking about,”

”Well, obviously there’s other things you don’t know about,” Nick said with a smirk on his face. “See, Savannah’s doing fine, she isn’t even crying over you,”

”Nick,” I replied, wanting him to stop.

“No, I think he has a right to know,” Nick said. I stared at him wondering what the hell he was talking about. “The whole time you were with Savannah, you hated me and you know you had a really good reason to,”

”Nick –“ I said, trying to interrupt him.

“The baby’s mine,” Nick said, reaching for my hand to hold. I looked at him and then at Austin in a state of shock. “She just had her period so the baby has to be mine,” He looked back at me, staring in my eyes and smiled. I was sitting there frozen. “I can’t believe we’re having a baby,” whispered, leaning over to kiss me softly on the lips.

Okay, too much excitement in one night.