Fact: I can’t let fears haunt my life forever.

“Savannah?” Joe Don asked as I sat there shaking, “Why are you calling me?” I didn’t know what to say now. I didn’t think he would actually answer the phone. “Savannah?”

”I’m sorry for how I treated you the other day,” I whispered, lying back on my bed. “I just feel like I should apologize for it,”

”There’s no need to apologize babe, you’ve moved on –“

”He was married and had kids. I was his mistress –“

”Did you know?”

”I just found out the day after you were here. He’s out of my life now,” I replied, staring at my ceiling. “I know you’re confused about the whole Nick situation –“

”I never knew her father was a celebrity Savannah. I don’t understand how you could have a daughter by a pop star but can’t handle dating a country singer –“ Joe Don said as I interrupted him.

“Nichole is adopted. Nick is her biological father,” I whispered, knowing Joe Don was probably in shock. “I never wanted anybody to know that she was adopted JD. I was a virgin until a few weeks ago. That’s why we never did it. I was scared. Nick just found out he had a daughter and he tracked her down to me. I’m not involved with Nick in any way, shape, or form.”

“You could have told me that you were a virgin. I just thought you never cared about me that way,” he replied, causing me to cry a little.

”No, I loved you. I still do love you,”

“I realized that what I did the other day was stupid though Savannah. It will never work with us being so different. I’m going to be going on another huge tour this summer and promoting a new album and babe, it just won’t work. I love you so much,”

“I know, the music thing,”

“It doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends. I want to be friends with you,” he said as I smiled. “I’ll be here anytime you need someone to talk to and I hope you know that.”

”I’ll be here for you too,” I replied, smiling. “I feel better now. I’m sorry I never told you about Nichole or the virgin thing –“

”You lost it to that guy, huh?”

”Big mistake,”

”Let me give you some advice that someone gave me once,” Joe Don said as I sat up, listening to him. “It doesn’t matter who your first time is with. What matters is who you spend the rest of your life making love with.” I smiled, realizing that he was right. “I need to write that down for a song. That’s some good stuff,”

“Thanks,” I whispered, smiling into the phone.
- - -

I walked out of my bedroom a little later, feeling refreshed from my phone call with Joe Don and a long bubble bath. He was right about my first time. The only thing that matters is who I make love to for the rest of my life, not my first time. The only problem is, I don’t know if what I did was make love or not. I thought it was at the time but now I just wonder if it was sex; pure, cold, raunchy sex with a married man. Not to mention the other times that we did it.

I looked into the kitchen to see Nick sitting there at the table, writing something on a piece of paper. I pulled my hair up in a ponytail as I walked by him and looked in the refridgerator.

“Feel better?” Nick asked as I smiled, nodding my head. “Joe Don called back after you got off the phone with him and left his new cell phone number. Apparently he’s got two now.” I froze, not knowing what to say. I didn’t really want him to know that I called Joe Don. Then again, why was I worried about him knowing in the first place?

“Oh okay,” I said, taking the post it from him. “I just called him to apologize for the other night,”

“You two going to go out or what?”

”No, we’re just going to stay friends, that’s all,” I replied, pouring myself a glass of orange juice. “I don’t think I need a man or boyfriend or date right now.” I sat down beside him, glancing over at the paper to see that he was writing something. “What are you writing?”

”Some lyrics,”

”Can I see?”

“Okay,” Nick said, pushing the paper towards me. “It’s just a chorus right now.” I smiled, looking down at the paper and began to read.

In my arms
Wish I could hold you forever
In my arms
I will give you shelter
Still I know I can’t always be there
To protect you from this great big old world
But I swear this much is true
There’ll always be a place for you…in my arms

I looked up at him and smiled, pushing the paper back to him. “Is that about Nichole?” He nodded his head and smiled a little, looking at it. “I’m not an expert on music, but I really love the lyrics. I’m sure if you ever make it into a song that it’ll be great. Maybe Brian can help you finish it,”

“Nah, I want to write this on my own for her,” he said, staring at the paper. “I want to have the words to express how I feel. I just have to let them come out slowly,”

“You really love her don’t you?” I asked. He looked up, staring me in the eyes. “I mean, I know you do, but –“

“She’s the most important thing in my life right now. It’s my only focus right now, you guys and my career.”

“You guys?” I asked, seeing him look down at the paper. “Who is you guys?”

”You and Nichole,” he said, looking at me again. “You’re my daughter’s mother. I told you this before that it’s a packaged deal. I’m not going to be the type of guy who doesn’t care about the woman that’s raised his daughter, turning into the greatest little girl. I respect you,”

”You respect me?”

”Of course I do, why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, taking a sip of my juice. “I don’t think I’ve done much to earn your respect,”

“I told you, you’re my daughter’s mother. I respect you,” he said, staring me in the eyes before looking back at the paper with his lyrics. I smiled a little, looking at my glass. I didn’t know what to say next. Should I tell him that I respected him? I’m not sure if I did or not.

”Thanks,” I said. He looked up at my eyes again and smiled. “Not just for saying that but for sticking around here with me the past few days. I know that I haven’t been the best company or anything. I guess I got lucky being your little girl’s adoptive mother.”

”You’re not her adoptive mother,” he said, reaching over to touch my hand. “You’re her mother. Do you know that sometimes she acts like you so much that it’s scary?”

”What do you mean?” I asked as he moved his hand away from mine.

”The other day, she spilt her drink and she ran to get something to clean it up. She wouldn’t let me do it. She had to do it. It reminds me of you,” he said as I smiled. “Are you uncomfortable with me saying these things to you?”

”A little,” I replied, staring at my jeans that I had on, “but it’s nice. At least I know that someone appreciates me,”

“I really appreciate you,” he whispered, leaning over to give me a kiss on the cheek. “I called our management and as soon as all the guys are back in town, we’re all gonna have a meeting for your new job,”

“Okay,” I said, almost frozen from him kissing me on the cheek. He did say before that he was an very affectionate person. I looked at my glass and back up at him. “Well I think I’m gonna go visit Diana at the paper and talk to her and see what’s up,”

“Okay,” Nick said, smiling at me. “Can I still pick up Nichole at school?”

”Sure, I’ll be back before then though I’m sure,”

”Okay, have a good time,” he said as I walked over, putting my glass in the dishwasher.

As I told him goodbye, I grabbed my coat and purse, thinking about what he had told me. He respected me and my daughter and I were one of the most important things in his life. That says a lot about him I think. Better yet, it scares the living hell out of me.
- - -

”He said that you and Nichole were one of the most important things in his life along with his career?” Diana asked as I nodded my head, “He specifically said you?”

”Yes, he said me and Nichole,” I answered, crossing my legs as I sat back in the chair. “I’m so confused by him the past few days. He told me this morning when we were talking about Austin before he came over that he wanted to be my first,”

”You’re kidding me, right?”

”No Diana, he said that,” I whispered, leaning my head back to look at the ceiling. “He is so not the person that I once thought he was. He’s so genuine and sweet,”

“And you’re talking about him in a new light,” Diana said as she stood up from her computer. She sat down on the table to my side and started down at me. “Savannah, what’s going on with you?”

“I think Austin was just lust,”

”Yes, but why are you talking about Nick like this?”

”I don’t know,”

”What about Joe Don?”

”I love Joe Don,” I said, looking down at my hands. “It will never work with us. We talked and we’re just going to stay friends, and honestly, I think that’s what I want with him. He knows me really well and I need a friend like that, especially a guy,”

”And what about Nick?” Diana asked. “Weeks ago you hated him and blamed me for setting you up on a date with a total jerk. Now you’re sitting here praising him. I understand that he’s a great father to Nichole, but what is he to you?”

”He’s my friend,” I said, looking up at her. “He’s been there for me since I found out about Austin. He followed me to the hospital –“

”I know, came by here asking if I saw you,” she said, putting her hand on top of my head. “Sweetie, I think he cares about you a lot. I think he does respect you. You are a great mother to Nichole and you are a wonderful person. If he didn’t see that in you, then he wouldn’t care about you so much,”

”Diana, what are you trying to say?” I asked, looking up at her again.

“Do you think it’s possible that Nick may like you more than you think?” Diana asked as I started to laugh. “What? What’s so funny?”

”There’s no way Nick can like my fat ass,”

”Why not?”

“Just, he wouldn’t,” I said, standing up. I walked to the other side of the room, thinking about the things he had said to me in the past. He has called me beautiful on numerous occasions. “I don’t think he would.”

”Has he done anything that is sort out of out of the ordinary?”

”I don’t know,” I said, thinking. “After Joe Don came by the other night, he came up behind me, wrapping his arms around me, hugging me. When I said something, he apologized to me, saying that he was a very affectionate person. He’s kissed me on the cheek too,”

“Savannah,”

”What?”

”I think Nick likes you more than you think,” Diana said as I started to laugh and looked away. There was no way possible that Nick could think of me any other way than being a friend and his daughter’s mother.

”It’s the reason we broke up in the first place, the music thing. It’s a big deal to me. It can’t come between us because of Nichole, so its best if we just keep that separated.”

“Us?”

”Her parents,”

”Right,”

“I’m sorry for calling you superficial,”

“I’m sorry for giving you the wrong impression that night,”

“What impression were you suppose to give me?”

“You left abruptly so maybe you’ll never know,”

“Oh god, maybe Nick does like me more than I think,” I said, putting my hands over my face and shaking my head.