Fact: Things aren’t always as they seem.

I left my apartment and I couldn’t think. I got into my car and just left. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I didn’t know who I was going to see. I didn’t know where Austin was, unless he was at work. I called Diana to see if she was at home or the office and I got nothing but her answering machine.

I looked at the paper in the passenger seat, seeing Austin’s picture again. How could he be married? I met his sister and she knew that we were seeing each other. A sister is going to let her brother cheat on two women in his life. There has to be some explanation about this.

As I was passing the newspaper, I saw Diana’s car parked near the front and I stopped, pulling a NASCAR evasive move. As I walked down the hallway to her office, I stared at the newspaper even more. The kid had to be his. He looks just like him. I was holding back tears, trying not to let the world see how bad it was getting to me.

“Diana,” I said, walking into her office. She jumped from behind her computer and looked at me. “I need to talk to you,”

”What is it? Are you okay?” she asked, walking up to me. “You look upset, is something wrong with Nichole or Austin?”

“Look at this,” I replied, handing her the newspaper. She looked at me before looking at the paper. I saw her mouth gasp open and she put her hand over her mouth. “Brian brought me this, Nick’s Brian and his wife saw it and knew that was my Austin since they saw each other at the restaurant.”

“Oh my God, Savannah, I had no idea –“ she said, looking up at me. “I need to call my sister, hang on,” She walked over to the phone, dialing numbers while looking at the paper. I couldn’t watch. Hell, I didn’t even want to hear anything they said but I did.

Diana read her sister the article, telling her that it was Austin in the picture. I looked at myself in the mirror, listening to Diana explain my situation with Austin and how we had really hit it off. The sad part was, we more than hit it off. I was in the midst of falling in love with him.

“Savannah,” Diana said. I turned around, looking at her as she nodded her head. “She didn’t know he was married. She had no idea.” I couldn’t believe it. I looked away, trying to hold back the tears, but they were slowly slipping out. “Savannah, I’m so, so sorry,”

”You didn’t know,” I replied, looking at the paper as she handed it to me. “I mean, you know, maybe he has a explanation for this –“

“Savannah –“

”I think I’m gonna go try to find him and talk to him about it –“

”Savannah, don’t make excuses for him,” she said as I turned around, walking towards the door, “Listen, I know you really like him,”

”I more than like him,” I replied, turning around to look at her. “Joe Don came to my apartment last night, telling me that he loved me and wanted me back and I told him I was with someone else. I’m gonna go find Austin now.”

“Call me and let me know!” she shouted as I walked out of her office.

I was still holding the tears back. I was doing the best that I could. He had to have a good excuse for this newspaper article, especially since his professor had no idea that he was married. He doesn’t wear a wedding band and there’s no white band around his finger where a wedding band usually is. He’s given me no sign that he’s married. I’ve met his sister for God’s sake. He wants me to meet his parents.

All of these thoughts moved in and out of my head as I stepped out of my car at the hospital. I looked up at the sky, noticing that it was about to rain and the sun was setting. That’s just what I needed right now, a rainy day to make things even worse.

“Hi, may I help you? What’s your emergency?” the receptionist asked in the emergency room. I just stared at her, wondering what I was going to say.

“Yes, I need to see Austin Edwards. I think he’s on call –“

“And you are?”

”His girlfriend, it’s an family emergency,”

“Oh okay, go on back. He’s probably in the pediatrics room,” she replied. She pushed a button and a door opened, allowing me to go back into the emergency room. I walked down the hallway slowly, seeing sick people standing around and I began to shake. I was becoming nervous – too nervous for my own comfort.

“Yes, where’s the pediatrics room?” I asked as a nurse walked out of a examination room. She replied, telling me to take a left and it would be the first room on the right. My walking slowed down as I turned the corner, seeing Austin sitting in the room, looking over some papers. I stared at him for a second, seeing that he was really into his work. I contemplated on not even bothering him but I knew I had to.

“Austin,” I whispered, standing in the doorway as he jumped, “Listen, I’m sorry that I’m here –“

”Savannah, what the hell are you doing here?” he asked, walking over to me. He tugged on my arm lightly, pulling me into the room and shut the door. “Why are you back here?”

“I haven’t heard from you –“

”I’ve been swamped here and with school –“

”I need to know something –“

”No, listen,” he replied, moving his hand to my right shoulder, “I love you okay, I’m just swamped with work –“

”Are you married?” I asked. His only response was that he was staring at me. “Austin, are you married?”

“Why would you ask that?” he asked, moving his hand from my shoulder. “You know me –“

“This,” I replied, moving the paper from behind my back. “That’s you and your son looks just like you,”

“Oh man,” he whispered, dropping the paper and put his hands over his face, “I didn’t want you to find out like this –“

”Like this?” I asked, becoming upset. “You mean to tell me that you are cheating on your wife with me and that you’ve been lying to me –“

”Savannah, it’s not like that –“

”Then what is it?” I asked, putting my hands on my hips, “Explain.”

”We were separated for a month and that’s when I met you and I fell for you so quickly but when we threw my son’s birthday party, one thing lead to another and we got back together. I had already served her with divorce papers while you and I were first going out –“ he explained as I looked away.

“But you’re back with her?”

”Savannah –“

”Are you back with her?!?”

“Yes,” he replied, looking away also.

“But I met your sister Austin and she knew about me!” I yelled. He walked over to me, telling me to keep it down.

“She’s my best friend. She knows everything about me,” he replied, looking into my eyes. “I do love you, none of that was a lie –“

“I love you too,” I whispered, looking down at his shirt, “I gave myself to you and you fucking lied!”

“Savannah –“

”Do you realize how immortal this is?” I asked, staring at him. “You know how I am about family and you’re cheating on your family with me. I’m your fucking toy on the side Austin. Do you know how that makes me feel?!?”

“You’re not a toy on the side,” he replied, walking closer to me, “I love you –“

”Then leave her and be with only me,”

“I can’t do that,”

“Why not?”

”I can’t divorce her Savannah,” he replied, putting his hands on top of his head. “She’s the love of my life and she has been since we were kids. We had a rough patch and that’s when we met but I couldn’t let you go.”

“I thought you were perfect,” I replied, wiping a few tears away. “You were smart and you had ambition. If you really loved me, you would have told me the truth from the beginning and you would pick me over her,”

”I’m not gonna stand here and let you talk down to me like I’m a loser because I was with you when my wife and I were on a break –“ he replied, backing away from me. “So what, I didn’t tell you that I was married. I have three kids, not just a son. I have two twin girls and a son. It doesn’t matter to you anyway because you’re so wrapped up in your own little world and hating music and practically living with a pop star that you’re going to end up forty years old and alone –“

”Fuck you,” I replied, picking up the paper and throwing it at him. “Stay the hell out of my life. I don’t want to see you again. You’re a lousy excuse for a man and I’m sorry I wasted so much on you,” I turned around to walk out of the room when the door opened and Nick was standing there, “Nick, what are you doing here,” I asked, wiping tears away.

“I figured you would be here,” Nick said, walking past me to Austin, “You are fucking sick!” he yelled, pushing Austin against the wall. “I don’t ever want to see you around Savannah or my daughter again, got me?”

”She’s all yours,” Austin replied, looking over Nick’s shoulder at me. “Then again, she doesn’t seem like your usual type –“

“Fuck you,” I replied, walking out of the room. I ran back down the hallway as tears were falling from my eyes just as fast. As I ran outside of the emergency room, I felt the rain fall down from the sky, instantly soaking me.

I walked over to a post light post and leaned my head against it. I couldn’t tell what was falling from my face, tears or the rain. I just knew that I felt like such a loser. I felt used. I couldn’t believe that I fell for a married man. I can’t believe that I gave myself to someone so easily. I was sure that he was the one since we hit it off so fast. Now I was sure of only one thing, he’s my biggest mistake.

“Savannah,” Nick replied, walking up behind me, “are you okay?”

”Fine, just leave me alone,” I whispered, putting my hands over my face. “Nick, please just leave,”

“Savannah, I’m not leaving and you’re going to get pneumonia if you stay in this rain. He’s not worth crying over and he wasn’t worth your attention,” he said as I moved my hands, looking back at him. He looked like a drowned rat with his hair, dripping down over his eyes.

“I pushed Joe Don away last night because of him,” I whispered, turning all the way around. “Now I don’t have anybody, just like before.”

”You have me,”

”Yeah but you’re not my boyfriend or my lover or the person that I want to be around twenty-four seven,” I replied, looking away. “Then again, I guess he wasn’t either.”

“He’s not worth this Savannah. He’s not worth crying over,” he said, pushing his hair out of his face. “I know you, you know, gave him, a lot I guess –“

“I wasted myself on him because I thought he was special enough,” I whispered, looking up at the sky, “I just got so wrapped up in the relationship because I had never been in one like that before. I’m not sure if I’ll ever have anymore again,”

”Yeah you will,” Nick said as I looked at him. “Just think of it this way; you had to survive this whole Austin thing so that you can be a stronger person and move forward,”

”Stronger person? Nick, I’m already a strong person. Look at all the shit I’ve been through, and I still get shit thrown at me. Nothing good or perfect ever comes my way, because I’m such a fuck up.”

”You’re not a fuck-up okay, if anybody’s a fuck-up it’s him,” Nick replied. Before I knew it, I was reaching up and giving him a hug. I’m not sure why but it felt safe. “You don’t need a guy to make you happy. Besides, something really good will come your way soon enough, just wait,”

“I’ve been waiting all my life for it,” I whispered, moving away from him. “I wanna go home.”

“I took a taxi here, so I’ll drive you home,” Nick replied, taking my keys out of my hands.

I tucked my hair behind my ears, walking with him to my car, thinking about the things that I just said. I had been looking for something all my life and I’ve been waiting on it. It seems that the only thing I found out was all of the troubles that came with love. Maybe the whole Austin situation was payback for what I did in college.

I looked at Nick as he drove me home. He was saying something but my mind wasn’t listening. I was thinking too much. I was thinking that maybe I had to meet Austin to make me appreciate what I already have.