Secret - I’m going to loose my virginity tonight.

I hated leaving Nichole with Nick. I cried as Austin and I drove to the airport to catch our flight to New York City. The funny thing is – she didn’t cry. She didn’t shed a tear. She was so extremely happy that she was spending the night with just “her Daddy”, that she didn’t care that I was flying over 2,000 miles away for a few nights.

Between my thoughts drifting to Nichole and the meetings with the Kiss & Tell people, I have Austin sitting beside me, reading some medical journal type magazine that I have never heard of before in my life. I work in magazines and I’ve never heard of it. Every so often he’ll see me staring at him and the smirk that I love so much appears on his face.

I can’t wait for tonight.

I can’t wait until finally I become a real woman. I’ll find out exactly what it feels like to share yourself with someone so intimately that you actually become one for a few moments. I know I probably make a bigger deal out of it than what it should be, but I can’t help it. I want this so much. I want it so much that I’m leaving my daughter with someone that I haven’t even known a month.

Austin asked me a weird question on the way to the airport. He asked me how much I trusted Nick and his friends with Nichole. I asked him what he meant by that. Obviously I thought he meant the whole ‘drug and rock & roll’ bit, but he didn’t.

He meant sexually.

I told him the thought never crossed my mind. He told me I should give it some careful consideration, because I didn’t know Nick very well and even though he was her biological father, most fathers are the ones that sexually abuse their daughters. From what I know about Nick, I don’t think he would do that. He seems pretty genuine about being a good father. According to Diana, the members of his group, whom he’s working with in Atlanta, are really great guys. One of them, Brian, the one that Diana is friends with, is married with a son of his own.

I’m sure that Austin was just worried about my daughter, but he doesn’t know Nick. Honestly, I think he’s a bit intimidated by Nick. I don’t know why he would be. I’m not interested in Nick at all in any “sexual” way. I want Austin and tonight, Austin is what I’m going to get.
- - - -

We checked into the hotel, which was a lovely hotel suite that the magazine put me in at the Four Seasons, and I came straight to the magazine offices to get to work. I’m actually a little nervous to be honest. The offices have changed tremendously since the last time I was here. They’ve moved to a new building and it’s decorated beautifully. It’s more than the average workplace, it’s almost like Grand Central Station.

I see all of these thin girls walk by, probably wondering why some fat, ugly girl is doing in their “unique” magazine’s building. None of them probably know who I am anyway because most of them are model’s who work here part time, doing photo shoots for certain ads that are placed around the country, advertising the magazine.

Just as all of these thoughts cross my mind, a short, petite fellow redhead calls my name, telling me that she would show me to Frannie’s office. Frannie is the main chief-in-editor, creator, and patriarch of Kiss & Tell. She was one of my professors at NYU and even helped me find an adoption agency when I wanted to adopt a baby.

“Savannah, darling it’s so good to see you again!” Frannie said as I walked into her office, carrying my briefcase. She had aged gracefully since that last time I had seen her in person but you could tell that she had probably received a facelift recently too. “You look so beautiful, just as always.”

”Oh you don’t have to lie Mrs. –“

”Oh no, call me Frannie. I told you after you graduated you didn’t have me Mrs. Robinson anymore,” she said as I sat down in a chair across from her desk. “So Sandra tells me that you are great at your job down in our Atlanta offices. I guess I made a pretty good decision in giving you a chance back in the day, huh?”

”Yes ma’am, I always try to do my best,” I wondered when she was going to get around to talking about the teen version of Kiss & Tell. Maybe I should bring it up? “I was so excited when you guys in the New York offices liked my idea of the teen version of the magazine.”

“Oh we love the idea,” Frannie said, flipping through some papers on her desk. “So how is your daughter? What’s her name again?”

“Nichole and she’s fine. She’s at school right now back in Atlanta. She didn’t make the trip this time.”

”Oh, staying with friends?”

”Well her father –“

”Oh Savannah!” she exclaimed, almost causing me to jump. “You were married and didn’t send a invitation?”

“Oh no Mrs. –“ I said, pausing, “Frannie – I mean – No, I wasn’t married. Nichole’s biological father has come into the picture. He found out he had a child and I decided to leave her in his car for a day or two.”

”Oh he lives in Atlanta?”

”Well no, he’s just there right now for work. He has a friend that lives there,” I said, wanting to get off the subject of Nick before I had to tell her just who my daughter’s father was. “So I was thinking for the name, we could call it –“

”I liked Female Confessions,” Frannie replied, causing me to look at her questionably. “You didn’t like that one?”

”No ma’am,” I said, sitting on the edge of my seat. “I thought that using the word ‘confession’ would be too cliché considering Kiss & Tell’s title. I was thinking of Extraordinary or Exquisite.”

“Exquisite!” she exclaimed, causing me to jump again. “I love it. Now, let’s go into the board room and discuss your ideas.”

I smiled, standing up and followed her out of her office. I held my briefcase up to my chest, seeing people look at me as I walked by. Sure I might look like a dull fat girl with no life on the outside, but at least on the inside I have the brain, mind, and ideas that intrigue even the most respected people in print and writing world.
- - - -

Five hours of talking to women in their 40’s about a teen magazine. It’s one hell of an experience that I’m going to have to go through tomorrow. The meetings went really well though. We went through ideas, establishing plots and I even came up with the idea to have a main celebrity feature each month and to let me find the right celebrity. That way I can come up with Nick’s group, and therefore, give him something back in return.

Nick.

I need to call Nick and check on Nichole. I reached down in my purse, and pulled out my cell phone, dialing my number. I waited patiently for it to ring so that I could hear my sweet little girls voice on the other end of the line.

“Hello?” a man’s voice asked, answering my phone. It definitely wasn’t Nick.

“Who’s this? This is Savannah.” I said, pushing a button on the elevator to go to my hotel suite. “Who’s this?”

”Oh, hey Savannah. This is AJ. I’m a friend of Nick’s, from the Backstreet Boys. I came back to your place with him for a while after we took Nichole to McDonald’s,” he said as I sighed. I wondered what kind of trouble Nick had gotten my daughter into. “You’ve got a great little girl. She’s a lot like Nick so you’ve definitely got your hands full.”

”Thanks,” I said, wondering what to say next, “Well maybe we can finish this conversation when I come home and we can meet, but can I speak to Nick right now?”

“Sure thing,” he said as I waited, looking down at my hands. They were shaking. I knew I was moments away from the one thing that I had wanted for years.

“Savannah, hey. How was the flight?” Nick asked as I smiled a little. I didn’t know why I was smiling. Maybe it was the fact that hearing his voice reassured me that my daughter was fine. “I know you probably called to talk to Nichole but she’s already asleep. She fell asleep on the way back from McDonald’s. We had such a good time on the playground –“

”Aww,” I moaned, when the elevator door opened. “Well I guess I can call in the morning before she goes to school. The meetings went good and I’m about to go back to our suite.”

”Gonna do it?”

”Nick!” I said, stepping out of the elevator. “Yeah I think so. I hope so anyway.”

”Well, good luck,” he said as I laughed, telling him goodbye. I walked up to our suite door, slipping the key card in the slot. The room was dark. I felt scared for a moment until I walked in, sitting my briefcase down on the floor.

“Austin?” I shut and locked the door behind me, feeling his lips on my neck suddenly. “I hope that’s you because if not, I wanna know who’s kissing my neck.”

”It’s me,” Austin whispered as I turned around, looking at him. “I’ve been waiting for you for a while. Traffic must have been bad huh?” I nodded my had smiling at him. “Come here,” he whispered, taking my hand. He led me to the bedroom part of the suite which had a few candles lit, and the lights were dimmed. “You still want to?”

“Yeah, I do.”

”Are you sure?”

”I’m positive.” I replied as I leaned up to kiss him. I felt something. I opened my eyes to see his finger in the way, telling me to stop. He moved it down to my jacket, slipping it off of me and tossed it on the other side of the room. Before I knew it my top was off and I was in nothing but my bra, pants and panties.

I watched his hands as they moved down to my waist, unbuttoning the pants to my suit. He did it so slowly that I wanted to just rip my pants off so that we could get on with the show but I didn’t. I let him tease me. He knew what he was doing and he was doing it very well.

As my pants fell to the ground, I stepped out of them, kicking them on the other side of the room. I looked down at my bare feet and back up at Austin who untied his robe. He was completely naked. Suddenly I could hear my heartbeat in my ears again. He walked around me, unfastening my bra slowly as his lips barely sucked on my shoulder. I could feel him against the back of me.

His hands began to move down my side ever so slowly as he kissed on my neck. His fingers went inside the waistband of my panties, and began slipping them off until they fell down to the ground. I stepped out of them as his hands moved back up to my stomach and to my breast, touching them gently.

“Savannah –“

”Yeah?”

”Go lay down while I get some protection –“

“Okay,” I whispered back as he moved his hands from me and I climbed up on the bed. I laid down in the middle of the bed with my right knee bent slightly in the air. I was uncomfortable knowing that he could look over, see me, and be tremendously turned off.

While I was staring at the ceiling, I felt him start to kiss my leg slightly, moving my legs apart. I looked down, not knowing what exactly he was about to do, but I liked it. It was making me so antsy that I couldn’t contain myself. I closed my eyes, enjoying his lips all over my body when I felt something. Something moved inside of me. When I felt his lips on my stomach, I figured he had slipped his finger inside of me. Whatever it was, it felt good and if his finger felt that good, I can’t imagine how he must feel.

“Are you getting turned on?” he asked, moving his lips back to mine. I nodded my head, smiling slightly. “I figured. You’re so wet that you’re turning me on.”

“Then stop teasing me,” I replied, leaning up to kiss his lips deeply. He sucked back on my lips, sucking on my tongue and backed away again.

“I’ve got to say a few things first –“

”Okay –“

”There’s only one condom –“

”I don’t care, I want you,” I whispered, kissing his neck. I was getting into this so badly that I didn’t really care for the small talk that was going on.

“I love you,” Austin whispered as I froze. I moved my head back against the pillow, staring at him. “I didn’t think I would love you this quickly but I do and I don’t want to end up hurting you.”

“You’re not gonna hurt me. I trust you,” I replied. He leaned down to kiss me on the lips softly and backed away. “I love you too.” He smiled, leaning down to kiss me again, more intensely this time. I knew that it wouldn’t be but a few more moments before the moment I had been waiting for would happen.

I’m more than ready for it.