Question - Why did God let Nick come into my life?

As I sit stand here, listening to Nick talk to Jermaine Dupri about Nichole, I wonder why I asked him here. I know it’s because I needed a date; that was obvious. If I didn’t bring him here, I definitely wouldn’t be sitting around, listening to people talk about music all night; I would probably be in the corner admiring them.

I don’t feel like I belong here though. Sure, standing among the people at the small get together are people from all over the country. There are people from People, Glamour, and even the Lifetime network. Plus there’s the celebrities that have decided to come – mostly the Atlanta residents like Jermaine here who is talking to my daughter.

As I sigh, taking a sip of my champagne, I look over at a couple dancing, wishing it was me. I’ve only danced with a guy twice. The first time was with my father at a Father / Daughter dance that the town held about two months before he died. The second time was my first date with Joe Don. He was a great dancer. He would whisper in my ear and say little things that would make me smile. I remember that feeling of his arms around me, moving slowly to nothing but our feet moving back and forth.

Unfortunately tonight there’s soft music playing in this party. I’m not listening to it and I’m doing my best to zone it out but it’s annoying me. I watch Nick and Nichole, pretending as if I can’t hear any music. I can’t let it over power my life to where I can’t even go out in public. This is for my job and I have to remember that.

“Savannah, you okay?” Nick asked, squatting down beside me. “Nichole mentioned that music was playing and that you hated music and I remembered you telling me that.”

”I’m doing my best to zone it out,” I replied, looking back at Nichole waving at Nick from across the table. “A few more glasses of this and I’ll be fine.”

”Oh come on, you can’t drink your way through this,” Nick said as he stood up. “Let’s dance.”

Dance? I looked up at him as if he had grown a second head. “Dance with you? Go back over to Nichole.”

”Come on, she’s sitting there with Jermaine. He’ll watch her for a second.” Nick replied. He looked as if he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I shook my head and looked away. “Alright.” I watched him as he walked back to Nichole and sat down in his seat.

Maybe what I did was a little bitchy but I couldn’t help it. It was taking everything I had to sit here, looking at people and wondering what was missing in my life. I knew what was missing in my life – Austin. I was just afraid that I had messed everything up with him. Maybe I should have gone ahead with it and just gave it up.

“Mommy,” Nichole said as she walked up to me. “Daddy wants to know if you’ll dance with him?”

”No baby, I don’t feel like dancing –“

”Please Mommy, please,” she begged, giving me her best pout. “Mommy, he won’t step on your feet –“

”Okay, okay,” I said, standing up and looked at Nick. “Fine, I’ll dance.”

”Sweet!” Nick exclaimed as he stood up, putting Nichole in his seat by Jermaine. “Now you stay right here while we go over and dance okay?”

”Okay Daddy,” she said as Nick walked past me, towards the dance floor. I walked up to him, glaring at him.

“You don’t look very happy right now.” Nick said as we held hands and got into the dancing positions. “Are you that pissed right now?”

”I’m more pissed than I was on our date.”

”Okay that’s pissed.”

”Yes it is,” I said as we started to move slowly to the music. I rolled my eyes, looking over at the band that was playing. I was doing my best to block out the music but it was becoming pretty hard. I could hear Nick saying something but I couldn’t make out the words.

“Savannah,” he said as he stopped dancing. “Are you listening to me?”

”I was blocking out the music,” I said. I sighed, and began to dance again, listening to him talk.

“Well, what I was saying,” he said as he cleared his throat, “Nichole told me she heard you and Austin yelling last night.” I sighed, hoping that she didn’t. “What happened?”

”You’re not gonna let this go are you?” I asked as he shook his head at me. “Fine, he came over to spend the night because we had a date you know but he had to work late. So he came over and Nichole was already asleep as you know and one thing lead to another –“

”Oh that –“

”Well he told me to keep my eyes closed and the next thing I know, I hear Marvin Gay singing ‘Let’s Get It On’,” I said as Nick cracked up laughing. “What?”

”That is the cheesiest song ever. You don’t really play that when trying to seduce someone,” Nick said as I looked at him. “Right, yeah okay, on with the story.”

”I freaked out and he slept on the sofa.”

”Because of the music.”

”Yes, obviously and –“

”And what?”

”I shouldn’t be telling you this –“

”Tell me, it’s not like I’m going to go tell all your friends or something.” Nick said as he looked at me. “Did he go limp or something?”

“I’m a virgin,” I whispered, feeling Nick’s eyes on me. I could tell that he was staring at me and I wasn’t about to look back at him. “I was going to do it last night until I freaked out with the music and he doesn’t understand. He didn’t even know that I was a virgin until I told him.”

“Well I don’t know what to say to that,” Nick finally said as I snorted. “I never thought about you being a virgin. What are you doing, waiting for marriage or something?”

”Honestly, I’m not waiting on anything,” I replied, finally looking at him. “I don’t know why I never did it with my ex-boyfriend. We were going to once and it just didn’t happen. I was going to last night but the music messed me up.”

”You’ve kept it this long, don’t you want it to be special?”

“I don’t give a crap about it being special, I just want it,” I replied, looking him in the eyes for a minute. He stared back at me until I blinked and looked away. “It’s just that since I adopted Nichole, she’s been my number one priority; her and work. And I really like Austin and I wanted to be with him.”

“Then you should be with him,” Nick said as I closed my eyes for a second. “I just didn’t think someone as pretty as you would be a virgin.” I opened my eyes, wanting to look at him. Had he drunk too much champagne? “Plus Leighanne, Brian’s wife, has some of the back issues of your magazine and I read your articles.”

”Really?”

”Yeah, and from the sound of a few of them, you definitely don’t sound like a virgin.” He said as he laughed.

“Yeah well, just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean that I don’t know what to do.” I replied, looking up at him. His eyes moved from mine and looked over at the table.

“She’s asleep,” he said as he let go of my hand. “Maybe we should go?”

“Yeah, come on.” I said as we walked back to the table. Jermaine told Nick that she laid her head on the table and all of a sudden he heard her snoring. I laughed, because she does that at home. That’s when Nick confessed he snored too. Obviously she inherited it from him.

Before I could think twice, we were in the limo, on the way back to my apartment. Nick and I hadn’t really said much to each other since the dance, mostly because we didn’t want to wake her up. If she is woken up abruptly in her sleep, she’s a little evil woman and will make one’s life a living hell.

“I’m glad you talked to me tonight,” Nick said as I moved my eyes away from the window and looked at him. “At least we’re getting to know one another better.” I nodded my head and then looked back out the window. “I was going to ask you, tomorrow night do you wanna go out to eat with Brian and his wife and kid?”

“Sure, I suppose if I have nothing else to do.”

”Great.” Nick said as I looked back at him to see that he was looking at Nichole. I felt like I was getting myself into something that I wasn’t sure I wanted – a bigger relationship with Nick than I wanted. First we’re dancing and going out as a little ‘family’ and now he is inviting me to eat with his friend’s family.

I don’t know where this is heading – but I don’t think I like it.
- - - -

I stand here, looking in my bathroom mirror, realizing that I could have had sex last night. Then I realized that I told Nick that I was a virgin. Suddenly in the past few weeks, this secret has gotten out to more people than I originally wanted it to.

I hear the phone ring and then hear Nick saying that he got it. Nichole had already woken up after we arrived back at the apartment so they were both in the living room. I needed to get out of the dress so I decided to shower.

“Savannah, it’s for you,” Nick said as he stood at my door. “Can I come in? I got the phone.”

”Yeah,” I said, looking down at my robe and then up at Nick as he walked into the bathroom. I took the phone from him and smiled, seeing Austin’s name on the caller ID. “Hey,” I said, answering the phone as Nick walked out. “I didn’t really expect to hear from you.”

“Did you think that I would just walk out of your life?” he asked as I smiled, sitting on the edge of the tub. “What happened last night confused me, a lot I think.”

”Well, I don’t listen to music,” I replied, taking a deep breath. “That’s a major thing with me –“

”I wasn’t talking about that Savannah. I’m okay with the music thing,” he said as I closed my eyes, sighing. “I didn’t know that you’re a virgin –“

”Austin, really it’s not a big deal to me. I’m not some crazy person that’s saving herself for marriage or crap. I wanted to do it last night but after the music thing, I couldn’t –“ I said as I paused. “Is there a problem with me being a virgin?”

”I’ve never been with a virgin before so, I don’t know how to treat one –“

”We’re human too and we have the same body parts as experienced girls have,” I said as he laughed a little. “At least you’re laughing now. I wanted you last night and I wanted to be with you.”

”I wanted to be with you too,” he said as he smiled. “So what’s Nick doing there this time of night?”

”With Nichole,” I said as I sighed again. “I was in here taking a shower and had just gotten out.”

“Okay, I just didn’t know that he was spending that much time with her or anything,” Austin said as I closed my eyes. “It’s not that I’m feeling insecure or anything, but well there’s another guy around –“

”Trust me, he’s not my type.”

”What’s your type?”

”You,” I replied as I smiled. I don’t know why I was smiling but I was smiling like a jackass. After telling him that I would talk to him in the morning, he told me he loved me on the phone. I didn’t know what to say to him except that I loved him too.

And I do think I love him.

“Nick –“ I said as he walked out of the bathroom and paused at what I saw. Nick was lying on the sofa, cuddled up to Nichole and they were both asleep. I smiled, crossing my arms and watched them until they both started to snore almost simultaneously. I walked over, putting a thin blanket over them and kissed Nichole on the forehead softly.

Maybe having Nick around is a good thing – I can finally have a real life of my own.