Fact - When a man puts a Marvin Gaye CD in the stereo, he’s expecting something.

The thought of my daughter actually having a father has been on my mind all night. Watching them together was nice, but I don’t know how I’m going to tell her. I know that I should be the one to do it. I’ve always told her that her father was dead and was in heaven. How am I going to explain that her father was now alive and is Nick, the new love of her life?

I thought about this as I took a long bubble bath, waiting for Austin to come over. I waited, and continued to wait until he finally arrived at midnight. By that time I was already half asleep, but he brought Chinese and we had a late dinner. Well, I had a midnight snack considering the fact that I had already had dinner. I told him about the test results and he said he wasn’t surprised. He knew that adoption papers and medical records were usually always right. He told me the best way to break the news to Nichole was to sit her down and have Nick there too. He said since she’s taken to him so quickly that maybe he can help her understand that he was now her father.

And he’s right. Nick should be there when Nichole learns the truth.

“Savannah,” Austin whispered as I jumped out of my thoughts. I looked at him, walking out of my bedroom in a t-shirt and boxers. I told him to go change into his night clothes, but I was hoping for some pajamas or something, not his underwear. “Come here.”

I stared at him, before looking back down at what I had on. I had on a huge Atlanta Braves t-shirt and huge drawstring pants. My long red hair was in a ponytail on top of my head. “Come here for what?” I asked, looking at him questionably.

“Come on,” he said, walking over to take my hand. I stood up from my seat, and he led me into my bedroom. He smiled at me and I smiled back, becoming nervous. I didn’t know what he thought was going to happen. Hell, I didn’t even know what was going to happen.

Before I knew it, his lips were on mine and I was kissing him. The kisses started out slow and gentle at first. Within a few seconds the pace changed, and the kisses grew stronger. I felt him move his hands down my body, to my hips. What was he doing? I opened one of my eyes, feeling his hand slip inside of my pants and I jumped.

“What are you doing?” I asked, wiping my hand over my mouth. “Where was your hand going?”

“Uh, I was just touching you, that’s all,” he said, walking closer to me. “You wanna go slowly?” I nodded my head, swallowing hard as he led me over to my bed. Slow at what? That was the question. That’s what I was wondering. I sat down on my bed and watched him as he closed my door, locking it. Good. I definitely did not want my daughter to walk in on whatever was about to happen inside this room.

I watched him as he walked back towards the bed, taking his shirt off. I think I gasped a little, staring at his body. He had a much nicer body then Joe Don had, although I only saw Joe Don with his shirt off a few times anyway. Before Joe Don could even leave my thoughts, Austin was almost on top of me, kissing me slowly.

It was nice. In fact, it was more than nice. His lips touched mine so gently, almost teasing me, making me want to kiss him even more. I could feel his hand move down my body again, placing it on my hip. I was so lost in his kisses that I didn’t even notice when he stopped.

“Savannah?”

”Yeah?”

”I want you to keep your eyes closed okay?”

”Okay,” I whispered, closing my eyes tightly. I swallowed again, feeling the tips of his fingers, trace my stomach lightly. My heart started pounding in my ears. I didn’t know if I was nervous about what he was about to do, or if he looked at my stomach and immediately thought “Eww, how fat!”. Before I knew it, his lips were on my stomach, kissing it softly. He began to move my t-shirt up to my breast, still covering them as he kissed and traced his tongue around my belly button.

My mind started wondering again. I didn’t know if I should actually go through with it or not. I’m tired of being a virgin but I don’t know if I trust Austin that much yet or not. Before that thought even left my mind, I left his tongue start to move over to my hip gently. I started to squirm a little. I couldn’t help it. I had the patience of a mad scientist and he was teasing me beyond belief.

“Hang on a second, okay? Keep your eyes closed.” I nodded my head and felt him move off of me. I could finally breathe now without worrying what he was going to do to me next. I was starting to sweat a little.

Did I want Austin to be my first? Was he important enough to me? I didn’t know what to think except for the fact that I loved what he was doing to me. I had never felt this good about myself before. He obviously was experienced, he had to be with his teasing me like that.

I’ve been really tryin’, baby
Tryin’ to hold back this feeling for so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then, c’mon, oh, c’mon
Let’s get it on
Ah, baby, let’s get it on

“What the hell?!?” I yelled, snapping out of my thoughts. I opened my eyes, looking up to see Austin standing there naked in front of me. I looked down, seeing his penis and gasped for air. “Turn it off! Turn it off now!” I yelled, jumping off of the bed, throwing his t-shirt at him.

“I can’t help that I’m turned on!” he yelled, looking at me. He pointed down to his penis again and stared at me. “I can’t just turn it off!”

”Turn the music off!!!” I screamed, putting my hands over my ears. I ran out of my bedroom and started to cry. I didn’t know why I was crying. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I had just ruined some special night that he had planned or if it was the fact that I had just heard music. Maybe it was the fact that he was hard, wanting to have sex with me and I totally just missed my shot.

“Savannah, what the hell was that about?” Austin asked, walking back into the living room with his t-shirt and boxers on. “Do you not like Marvin Gaye or something? We can put on some country or something –“ I just looked away. I probably looked like an idiot because I sat there crying. “Do you not want to do it with me? What is it? I thought we had something here –“

”I don’t listen to music,” I replied, staring at him. “It’s what killed my family. It’s a long story and I don’t want to get into it. I just don’t listen to it. That’s why my radio was turned onto the talk news channel.”

”Okay so we won’t listen to any music,” he replied, moving his hand to my thigh. I swallowed, looking down at it and back at him. “I really wanna be with you tonight. I need you. I want to feel you. I want you so much that I can’t get enough of you. I want you to say my name baby –“

“I’m a virgin Austin,” I replied, staring at him. His face was in a utter state of shock. “Yeah, and you know, I would have done it if you hadn’t of put on any music. I wanted you so bad in there but the music killed it.” I stood up, picking up the pillow off of the loveseat. “Here you go,” I said, putting the pillow on the sofa. “Sweet dreams.” I kissed him on the cheek. I looked back at him as I started to walk into my bedroom. He didn’t say anything. He really was in a state of shock. I had never seen him that in shock before.

I shut my door and leaned up against it, thinking that if he hadn’t of turned on any music, I would have been laying there making love for the first time in my life. I could have been lying there, feeling what it was like to be a real woman who had everything at her fingertips. Instead, I’m standing here crying because of some stupid fear that I have against the universal language called music.

I’m going to regret this.
- - - -

That morning, I woke up as Nichole climbed into bed with me. She snuggled up next to me, asking why Austin wasn’t in my room with me. I didn’t know why she would assume that he would sleep in bed with me. She said she thought boyfriends and girlfriends did that. The girl is too wise beyond her years.

A few minutes later, Austin walked in, seeing us in bed together. He was already dressed and came in to tell us goodbye. He said he had an early class that he needed to get to before going into work at the hospital. I knew that he was probably upset about what happened the night before. He didn’t even walk over to kiss me goodbye. I didn’t even get a kiss on the cheek, which he normally does.

As the thoughts of Austin left my mind, I kept watching Nichole play with her hair. I wondered what she was thinking. I wondered if she really liked Austin or not. I wondered what she really thought of Nick. That’s when it hit me that we were having an intimate moment, lying in bed before we had to start our day.

“Nichole, sweetie, I wanna talk to you about something,” I said as we both set up in bed. “It’s really important okay?”

”Okay Mommy,” she said as she smiled at me. The moment she did that, I realized that it was the same smile that I had seen the night before on Nick. I sighed, knowing that she needed to know.

“Do you remember how I told you that your daddy was in heaven?” I asked as she nodded her head. “Well sweetie, I was wrong.”

”He’s not in heaven Mommy?” she asked, with a confused look on her face. I shook my head and looked down at my hands.

“No baby, he’s not in heaven. I didn’t know who your daddy was until a few days ago,” I said as I looked back up at her. “You know Nick?”

”Nick is my boyfriend Mommy,” she said with a huge smile on her face. “He said he was going to bring me a present today.”

”No baby, he’s not your boyfriend. Nick is your daddy.” I said, staring at her. A confused look came over her face again. “Your daddy that you’ve always asked about and wanted, it’s Nick. He’s your daddy.”

”My daddy is Nick?” she asked as she smiled. “Yes!” I watched her as she jumped up, and began jumping up and down on my bed. “I have the coolest daddy in the world!!” I started to laugh. Now I was confused. “Mommy! I love you for my daddy!” she said jumping into my lap. She gave me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“So I guess you’re happy that Nick is your daddy?” I asked as she nodded her head. “Okay good. Now, you have to remember something okay? Nick sings for a lot of people just like Joe Don did. He doesn’t want a lot of people to know that he has a little girl yet because a lot of people are going to be confused.”

“I can keep a secret mommy. I’m good at that,” Nichole said as I smiled. “I’m keeping one of Nick’s secrets now.” I laughed, wondering what the secret was. “Mommy, do I call him Nick or daddy?”

”I think he’ll like it if you call him daddy,” I said as she smiled more. She reached up, hugging me again and I smiled.

It felt so good to see her so happy. As much as it scared me with Nick claiming to be her birth father, I couldn’t deny how much she loved him already. She loved him even before she knew that he was her father. Nichole rarely attaches herself to someone that often. It took her months before she was able to adjust with me dating Joe Don. She’s adjusted to Nick being in her life in just a few short days.

“Mommy,” Nichole said as she stopped hugging me. “If Nick is my daddy and you are my mommy, then what is Austin?”

“My boyfriend I think.”

”Shouldn’t my mommy and daddy be together?”

”No sweetie, not everybody’s mommy and daddy love one another.” I said, brushing her hair out of her face.

“But I thought you told me once that babies come from two people that love each other. That’s what you said mommy,” Nichole said as I sighed, looking away. I did tell her that when she asked me once where babies came from.

“Sweetie, it’s different with me and Nick okay? We don’t love one another, but we love you so it’s the same thing.”

“Do you love Austin?” she asked. I wanted to say yes, but sadly, I knew that I didn’t. I nodded my head no, looking away.

“I think I might love Austin, but I don’t know sweetie.”

“But you and my daddy love me.”

”More than anything,” I said with a smile on my face. I reached in, giving her a huge hug. I was so glad that she was okay with Nick being her father. I knew that she would. I didn’t expect her to bring up the reason why I didn’t love Nick. Hell, I’ve only known him the same amount of time that she has. I was becoming fonder of him, but there was definitely no love there.

No love at all.