Fact - My life will never be the same

After Nick left last night, I called Diana. I told her what happened and she was in shock. She could not believe that Nichole was Nick’s biological daughter. She said she was looking at a picture of her, and could tell some resemblance. I stood beside her bed, watching her sleep and I saw nothing but my little girl.

My little girl.

She was so confused this morning as we went to the Children’s hospital to meet up with Nick. She didn’t understand why Nick was there. She really didn’t understand why the doctors had to stick her with needles and take her blood. I almost thought they would have to strap her down to a table to do it. She hates needles and more than that, she hates doctors. I finally told her that I would take her to Chuck E. Cheese that night for pizza if she just stopped crying.

The doctor told us that it would take a day or so for the results to come back. Nick and I looked at each other in response to that. He knew he couldn’t wait for the results and I was deathly afraid of sharing my daughter with someone. He leaned over once, saying “You’re a really great mother,” and smiled at me.

That’s when I realized that Nichole’s smile is similar to his.

I took Nichole to school around lunch time and finally made it to work where I had a million messages waiting for me. There were things that I had to go over with the offices in New York about the new teen version of the magazine. Sandra says that I will more than likely have to go to New York to deal with some of the things. That’s not that big of a problem except it will cause Nichole to stay out of school. I wouldn’t want to leave her here for a few days. I’ve never left her for that amount of time before.

I think I’ve come up with the title of the magazine. I love the name “Miss Independent”. I was reading the newspaper this morning, and it stuck out to me. It’s a title of a song, so more than likely we will have to get the singer and writer’s permission to use it. Hopefully it won’t be too much trouble, because I like it.

As I sit at my desk, pondering about the magazine, my mind drifts back to what Nick told me the night before. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I would try so hard to not think about it, but it always eased its way back into my mind. I almost believe him when he said that he wouldn’t take her away from me. He seemed sincere about it. He seems like he really does want to be a part of her life.

That makes me wonder what his real motives are. I wonder if he’s doing it for publicity so he can come out and say “Hey, I have a daughter now.” I hope that’s not the case, but I really don’t know with him. I don’t know him well enough as a person.

“Savannah,” Sarah said over the phone speaker, causing me to jump a little. “You have a phone call on line four.”

“Thanks Sarah,” I replied, picking up the phone. “Savannah Shiver.”

”Hey,” a voice said as I smiled. It was Austin. That’s exactly who I needed to hear at that moment. “I decided to call. I’m taking a break. How are you today?”

“Oh Austin,” I sighed, closing my eyes. “I’m a nervous wreck. So much has happened since our date last night.”

”What happened? Are you okay?” he asked, sounding concerned. “Is it Nichole? Why didn’t you call me?”

“Oh no, we’re both fine.” I replied, looking down at a piece of paper of my desk. “Remember the sitter last night?”

”Yes.”

”Well, he wasn’t really a sitter. I had met him once before. Diana set us up on a blind date and it didn’t work out. He’s a singer, a Backstreet Boy –“

”I knew he looked familiar; my sister loves them.”

”Well, he came there looking for me because well,” I began stumbling for words, not sure how to explain it. I looked up at my monitor, blinking my eyes and sighed. “He may be Nichole’s birth father. He told me on our horrible date how he had just found out that he had a kid and that it was put up for adoption. I gave him a number to a lawyer so he could get help without the media finding out. It led to me, so we went to take a blood test this morning.”

Austin didn’t say anything. I kept waiting for him to say something but words never came out of his mouth. “Austin?”

”I guess I’m just in shock a little.” Austin replied. I closed my eyes again, praying that it wouldn’t come between the relationship that we were just building. “This is huge for you, but if you need anything just let me know.”

”This doesn’t upset you or anything?”

“Well no, why would it?” I smiled, seeing my reflection in the computer monitor. “He can’t help that he didn’t know he had a child and you can’t help that her father may come into her life. It just means that I’ll have to fight for your attention.” He said laughing.

“No you won’t,” I whispered, almost giggling. I felt like a thirteen year old, talking to her a crush in middle school. I heard him giggle too, asking would it be okay if he came over tonight. Obviously it would be and I told him yes. I actually want him to come over. I want Nichole to get to know him better because I really do like him.

As I hung up the phone, I heard a few “oooh’s” and “oh my god’s” move through the office in a light whisper. It almost reminded me like one of those cheesy crowd waves at a sports event. “Savannah,” Sarah said, coming over the intercom again, “You have a visitor.”

”Okay,” I replied, looking up to see Nick standing there. “Uh, God, what are you doing here?” He walked into my small little office and I saw five heads, peek around my corners. “Guys, can I please have some privacy?” They all jumped, heading back to their desk. “Nick, what?”

“I was wondering if I could come over tonight to spend some time with Nichole and –“

”Not tonight, we have plans.”

”What plans?”

”My date from last night is coming over.” I replied, staring at him. “And what the hell are you doing coming to my office? These people here don’t know and it’s none of their business.”

“None of their business what?” Sandra asked, standing behind Nick. He turned around to look at her and she looked shock. “Well well, a Backstreet Boy is in our offices.”

”Sandra, this is Nick. Nick, this is my, well boss Sandra.” I replied, rolling my eyes.

“So are you two friends or something or are you the ex-boyfriend that was a singer?”

“Ex-boyfriend that was a singer?” Nick asked, looking back at me. I froze. Dear God, this was going to be hard as hell to explain. “Well I guess you could say that. I’m Nichole’s father.” My jaw dropped to the floor. This guy was dead. He was deader than dead. He was history.

“Nichole’s father… how obvious. Nick… Nichole,” Sandra said, looking back at me. “Well isn’t our little Savannah keeping secrets.”

“Uh yeah, Sandra, I really need to speak to Nick alone,” I replied, dragging Nick out of my office. He told her goodbye as I pulled him down the hallway, seeing people stare at us. “Stop winking and smiling at people Nick.”

”Dear God woman,” Nick replied as I tossed him into a empty room and shut the door. “What’s wrong? They were gonna find out sooner or later.”

”It’s not legit yet, the… test aren’t back and besides, they all thought that her father was dead. That’s what Nichole thinks so if you are in fact her father, things are going to have to be worked out and you can’t just barge into my work saying these things. I’m getting to be at the top of my game. I’m starting a whole new teen version of the magazine and I can’t let my personal joke of a life come into that.”

Nick nodded his head, agreeing with me. He had better agreed with me, or else I would probably end up kicking his ass. “Who is this ex singer guy you dated?”

”He’s in a country group, Rascal Flatts,” I replied, staring at him. “And do not come over tonight okay? We’ll get the test results tomorrow maybe and then maybe you can come over. I have plans tonight.”

“What’s the story about this guy that’s coming over tonight? You like him or something?” I stood there in shock at what he asked. Did he really have the nerve to ask this or was he just being nosey.

“I really like him,” I said, opening up the door. “Now, I’m going back to my office and I will see you when the doctor calls us to come into this office.” I smiled and walked out of the room, seeing everybody stare at me.

I felt their eyes burn into my skin. They wanted to know how I got pregnant by a Backstreet Boy. Me, fat and lonely Savannah, has a child by Nick Carter, Backstreet Boy heartthrob. Who would have ever guessed? Certainly not any of the people I work with, that’s for sure. I heard Nick walk out of the room behind me, giving everyone a little wave. They giggled. I rolled my eyes and began walking back to my office. Nick’s presence in my life was sure to make it complicated - more complicated than it ever was.

As I walked back to my office, I heard whispers. I felt people stare at me. I felt my heartbeat in my ears. I felt as if I was going to pass out.

I had to listen to everybody gossip about me the rest of the day. It was almost horrible. Almost meaning everybody thought that I had some secret life that they never knew about. The horrible part was that it involved Nick Carter, someone I would never think twice about being with, much less being the father of my child. When I went over to the newspaper offices, I told Diana about what happened.

Apparently she had talked to Nick’s friend Brian, who she’s friends with. Brian is in Nick’s little group with him. Brian explained to her how Nick was so excited about having a daughter. He thought this would be a good learning experience for Nick, so that he could mature and be normal for once in his life. He grew up in the music business, with a stage mother who forced him into singing and acting. He never had a normal childhood and now he didn’t have a normal family since his parents were getting a divorce.

In a way, I can sympathize with him. I didn’t grow up with a normal family. That’s what I want more than anything, but I can never be Nick’s family. If Nichole is his biological daughter, then yes, he has a daughter. That doesn’t make me want to be a family with him. I know he wouldn’t want to be a family with me either due to the fact that I’m not his usual type. I will never be his usual type and most importantly, I don’t love him.

Diana thinks Nick is her father. She says that it’s very rare that adoption papers hold false information and that Nichole even looks like him a little. She thinks having Nick in Nichole’s life will be good for her, and for me. I still don’t understand how she thinks it’ll be good for me, due to the fact that I want nothing from him except to be a decent father if that’s what he is.

I don’t want anything from him at all.

“Mommy, what time is Austin coming?” Nichole asked, standing in the doorway of the kitchen, holding onto her Care Bear.

“He’ll be here pretty soon,” I replied, smiling at her. “Do you like him?”

”I think I like Nick better,” she said, twirling a strand of hair around her index finger.

“Nick?” I asked. I turned the stove off and walked towards her, kneeling down. “Why do you like Nick better?”

”He’s funny and he likes cartoons,”

“I’m sure Austin likes cartoons too,”

”But Mommy, Nick said his job is to sing for people and he’s a good singer just like Joe Don was,” Nichole whispered as I smiled. “I miss Joe Don,”

”I know you do, but I really like Austin and you know how I hate music. We don’t listen to music remember?” I asked as she nodded her head. As I leaned in to hug her, the doorbell rang and I smiled. “I bet that’s Austin now.”

”Go get the door Mommy,” I smiled at her again and walked towards the door, unlocking it. I opened it up, with a huge smile on my face that quickly disappeared.

Nick.