[Karie]
“Oh my God…” I muttered as Nick walked out of the room. I sat down in my chair and looked over at Brian who nodded. “Is this why nothing was never said or announced?”

“Becca went into labor about three months early,” Brian said, shaking his head. “The baby held on for a day or so, but she didn’t make it.”

“Nick didn’t take it well,” Howie said. “He started drinking and doing drugs and finally started having some health problems with his heart that made him quit. He quit the first time right before he met you so he was clean then, but he’d been doing this to his body off and on for years.”

“I didn’t know,” I whispered. “I never knew about him doing any of that stuff before.”

“Between you two and then the baby,” Brian said, shrugging.

“Can we just finish the interview with the three of us?” Howie asked, trying to get back on subject.

“Sure,” I said, wiping a tear from my eye. I was trying to stay on subject, but the thought of the baby dying and Nick having to deal with that and what I did to him, killed me.

How could his daughter die and I not know? Why didn’t he even at least call me and tell me, even if it was in a smart ass way.

As I sat there, finishing the short interview with the rest of the group, all I could think about was if I was the reason Nick started doing those things again, or if it was the baby. Brian said it was both. Somewhere deep inside I felt like the biggest bitch in the world. How was I supposed to know that the baby died? They didn’t release any information and to be honest, I never really looked for it.

I knew deep down that Nick wanted that baby or what we had begun would have never ended.

“Karie, I’m really sorry about what happened with you and Nick,” Howie said as we ended the interview. “I thought you were really good for him.”

“It just happened really fast and with the baby and everything,” I said as I looked at AJ. I could tell he was taking Nick’s side in the matter and had nothing nice to say to me. “It’s like I told him back then, if I was the one that was pregnant by someone else, he wouldn’t have stuck around.”

“That’s true,” AJ snorted, shaking his head. “Good to see you again,” he said, before walking out the door.

“Will you at least tell Nick that I’m sorry about the baby,” I said as Brian and Howie both nodded.

“Will do,” Brian said before hugging me goodbye. I hugged Howie and watched as they both walked out the door.

I fell back into the chair and glared at the door that had just shut.

I still couldn’t believe that the baby died.

[/Karie]

[Nick]

“Nick,” I heard Brian say as he and Howie walked up to AJ outside the hotel as we stood there, sharing a cigarette. “The interview is over.”

“I figured as much,” I replied, looking over at Brian. “I just couldn’t sit in there, I’m sorry. I know it’s unprofessional and all of that jazz, but I just couldn’t do it.”

“I think you two need to talk,” Howie said as I laughed, passing the cigarette back to AJ. “If you’re both in this business, your paths are going to cross again and it’s not good for either of you and it’s not good for the group.”

“I said all I need to say to her,” I said, taking the cigarette from AJ. Brian snatched it away, stepping on it. “Rok.. seriously.”

“Fine, don’t talk to her,” Brian said, staring me in the eyes. “But it’s your loss if you don’t.”

“My loss?” I asked, looking at AJ who shrugged. “I think I’ve lost enough where she’s concerned.”

“She was crying when I walked outside to talk to her when she left the meeting room,” Brian said as I looked away. Why did I care that she was crying? She deserved to cry.

“It’s not her fault that the baby died, Nick,” Howie spat out. I glared at him. “Yes, I said it.”

“You think I blame Karie for, you know, her death?” I asked as Brian nodded. I looked at Howie and he nodded. “AJ?” I asked as he shrugged.

“You can’t even say the baby’s name,” Brian said. “Nick, this is why we’ve told you that you really need to talk to someone about what happened. Yeah, you got over the drugs and alcohol, but you haven’t dealt with it emotionally.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said. “Are we done here?”

“Yeah, we’re done for today,” Howie said as I nodded. “You leaving?” he asked as I started to walk away.

“Yeah, I’ll catch up with you guys tomorrow morning at the studio,” I said, walking to my car.

“Don’t do anything stupid!” I heard Brian shout out as I turned the corner where my car was parked.

Talking to someone was the last thing I needed.

[/Nick]

[Karie]

Backstreet Boys…

….

….

I couldn’t write about them. I had the interview and it wasn’t going to be anything but a brief, but I still couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t stop thinking about how Nick said it.

“How’s your daughter, Nick?”

“She’s dead. Happy? Now you can go write about it again and maybe people won’t constantly be asking me about it.”

It’s the first time I’ve had writer’s block in two years and I never have writer’s block. The last time I had writer’s block was when I had to write the story about Nick having someone pregnant.

I wish a thousand times I could take that story back, but I can’t.

Knock Knock Knock Knock!

Room service at this hotel is annoying.

“No ma’am, I don’t need anything, thanks!” I said as I began typing on my laptop.

Knock Knock Knock Knock!

“I don’t need anything!”

“I do…” I heard someone say as I stopped and looked up.

I stood up, picking up my robe from the sofa. I had already showered and put on my pj’s, not expecting to see anyone else except room service when I ordered a snack later.

I tied the belt on my robe and walked over to the door, looking out the peep hole. I didn’t see anybody. I opened the door to see Nick sitting on the floor beside my door. I opened my mouth, wanting to say something but didn’t know what to say.

What the hell could I say?

“I paid the bellboy $200 to tell me what room you were in,” he said as I continued to stand there, speechless.

Nick didn’t say anything else, but just sat there until he finally picked up a bottle of Jack Daniels and took a sip.

“Brian said you weren’t supposed to be doing that,” I finally said, leaning down to try and take the bottle from him.

“Don’t baby me,” he spat back as he stumbled, trying to stand up to face me.

“I’m not trying to baby you,” I said. “You’re the one that came to me this time.”

“Yeah…”

“What are you doing here?” I asked as he walked past me and into my hotel room. “Nick, if you’re drunk then I don’t want you here.”

“I’m not drunk,” he said, walking over to the bar in the hotel room. I shut the door and rushed to the bar, trying to stop him from drinking anything else.

“Here,” I said, handing him a bottled water. “Seriously, if it’s bad for your health, then don’t drink.”

“A little bit isn’t going to kill me,” he said, taking the bottled water from me. “Besides, how else am I supposed to feel better?”

“Nick, I didn’t know,” I said as he left the bar and walked over to the window, overlooking Los Angeles. “I didn’t know I was going to be interviewing you guys. I didn’t know about the baby –”

“Don’t talk about her,” he said, turning around to look at me. “Don’t even talk about her.”

“I’m sorry,” I said as he pulled up a chair and sat down, facing the window. I walked over, sitting down at the table next to him. I didn’t know what to say to him. Hell, I didn’t even know why he was here.

“Are you really hurting that badly?” I asked as he looked at me.

“Is this off-the-record?”

“I deserved that,” I said as he smirked and looked away. “Yeah, everything is off the record with me unless it involves the group.”

“Then yeah, it hurts that bad,” he whispered, taking a sip of water. “Brian says I need to talk to someone about everything.”

“The baby?”

“Everything.”

“What’s everything?”

“The baby, the drugs, the drinking, fuck, even you,” he muttered as I looked down at the table. If I kept looking at him, I was going to cry. “You don’t know what it’s like until a part of you dies.”

“I know,” I said as I looked up to see him turn to look at me at the same exact moment.

“Why did you do it?” he asked as I looked away. “Seriously, you picked your job over me.”

“I had to,” I whispered. “If I didn’t, I would have been left with nothing because I didn’t have you. You were gone and you had made your decision.”

He didn’t say anything. He knew it was the truth.