[Karie]

I was always the one who took careful steps and tried not to make any mistakes. I worked hard and tried my best to do things the right way. Sometimes I got slack because of it but sometimes I was rewarded.

One time I ended up with a broken heart.

I can’t say that I’ve really gotten over Nick Carter but I haven’t sat around and cried over him either.

It’s been almost two years since I talked to him the last time on the phone and I’ve moved on with my life. I eventually met someone else and even moved in with him for an entire month before I realized that I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment and he realized he didn’t want to live with a journalist who had weird work hours.

Sometimes I still think Nick could have been the one because of how well we clicked and how much we had a common. I just think I made the right decision where he was concerned. I wasn’t ready to have a family and raise someone else’s child. Hell, I tried to move in with a guy and it didn’t even last thirty days.

There’s a Kelly Clarkson song from her debut CD called “Beautiful Disaster” and it reminds me of Nick. I heard it for the first time in a long time the other day and it hit me. I hadn’t thought about Nick in months until I heard that song. The lyrics “He’s soft to the touch, but afraid at the end he breaks, he’s never enough, but still he’s more than I can take.”

Who am I kidding? I still think about him more than he probably thinks about me.

Any the initial news of Nick’s impending fatherhood, nothing else was ever really said or announced. Then again, I never really looked. I have no idea what he decided or what happened. I haven’t really looked around either.

The one good thing that came out of my involvement with Nick Carter was the article that my old boss Greg made me write. It got picked up by the
Associated Press and all of the major entertainment outlets. To say the least, Greg was right and that it would help me make a name for myself.

Now I’m one of the head Entertainment writers for the Associated Press and I’m still based in Nashville. I spend most of the time on the road, going from town to town with tours, press conferences and the such.

I hate knowing that the opportunities were given to me due to my relationship with Nick, but now that I think about it, Greg was right and I was too blinded by lust, or love, to see that my duty was to report on the news, not get involved with it.

To say the least I haven’t made the mistake since.

The guy that I moved in with, Chase, was a doctorate student who was studying to become a college professor of English. Sure, we had the love literature and writing in common, but he didn’t understand my schedule, especially when I got hired by the AP.

I made a promise to myself that I would never get involved with another celebrity, especially when I had to report on them.

It’s been a long trip alone, but I’m finally where I want to be in my life. It only took 29 years, but I’m here, living my dream. Well, right now I’m in Los Angeles in a hotel room. That’s not really living the dream, but work is work.

I’m in Los Angeles doing the press junket for a lot of the upcoming summer movies. It’s not my usual work but the usual L.A. AP movie writer is out on maternity leave and they asked me to come. There was no way I would turn down the opportunity to interview Brad Pitt.

Luckily while I’m out here, I get to do a few music interviews, but I have no idea who they are with yet. I hate it when the AP does that, but they do it often. Sometimes I think they just like to test us writers to see if we’re on top of our game.

I guess I am at the top of my game… I’m over the Associated Press’s Music department in Nashville, the Music Capitol of the world. I mean -

“Hello…”

“Yes?” I asked as I looked up to see Brian, Howie, AJ and Nick. Nick. God, there was Nick.

“What the hell?” Nick asked, staring back at me.

“Hey Karie, long time no see,” Brian said, walking over to hug me. Howie did the same, but AJ stayed back with Nick. “You’re working for the AP now?” I could tell he was lying.

“Yeah, I got the job about a year ago,” I said, never taking my eyes off of Nick. Fuck the Associated Press. I take back every good thing I said about them. “I’m sorry,” I said, blinking my eyes and shaking my head. “I had no idea I was interviewing you guys. Sometimes they don’t tell us who we are interviewing to see if we’re on top of our game.”

“Well I’m sure we can all be professional here, right?” Howie said, looking at Nick and at AJ.

“Yeah,” Nick finally said, before taking a seat at the table. The rest of us did the same and I closed my laptop, and hit record on my recorder.

“So, how have you been?” Brian asked as I smiled and nodded. “Good I see. You look good.”

“Thanks, yeah, things have been good,” I said, trying to get things back on the professional level. “So I hear you guys are recording again? A new album?”

“Yep, this will be our seventh album in the United States and eighth internationally,” Howie said. “We’ve been working with a lot of great people like T-Pain and Ne-Yo.”

“So you’re going back to the R&B genre?” I asked, trying my best to keep my eyes off of Nick, but he was glaring right at me.

“Pop and R&B,” AJ finally said. “We’re sticking to the more traditional Backstreet Boys style.”

“Just more mature,” Howie said. “We can’t be the same old Backstreet Boys forever. I mean, I’m married with a new baby.”
Nick shifted in his seat and looked away.

“Oh, that’s right you had a baby,” I said, writing down a note on my notepad. My hand was shaking and they could tell I was nervous. “Listen,” I said, turning off the recorder. “Can I step outside for a minute?”

“Go for it,” Brian said as I stood up quickly and rushed out of the room.

[/Karie]

[Nick]

She just got up and walked out at the mention of a baby. She couldn’t even look me in the eyes after Howie mentioned his son.

“Nick, I had no idea it was her,” Brian said as he looked down at me. I nodded, knowing that he didn’t. “We can just leave and reschedule for someone else.”

“That might be best,” AJ said as I shook my head.

“It was bound to happen sooner or later,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Just give her a few. This won’t last long.”

“I’m going to go check on her,” Brian said as he stood up and walked out the door.

I sat back in my chair, still feeling the tightening of knots in my stomach after seeing her. She looked good, more professional than I had ever seen her. She had lost a little weight and her hair was a little shorter and lighter.

I wonder if she knew anything or what happened to me. She had to. How could she not know what happened? I knew she was working with the Associated Press, but didn’t know she would be out here or I would have never agreed to this interview.

[/Nick]

[Karie]

“Karie,” I heard someone say as I looked over to see Brian walking up to me. “Are you okay?” I shook my head, kneeling down on the ground. “We didn’t know it was you that we were meeting with or I would have had them cancel it for both of your sakes.”

“He hates me for writing that article, doesn’t he?” I asked. “The one about him having a baby.”

“I think he might be over it now, but yeah, he was pissed,” Brian said. “If it counts, I understand why you did it. You had to.”

“I didn’t want to write it.”

“He knows that too.”

“I’ve tried so hard to stay away from you guys,” I said, crying and laughing at the same time. “I’ve had chances to go to your last tour to review it and interview you guys, but I passed up on it.”

“He checks every time we do something with the AP to see if it’s you but they said it was someone else,” Brian said. “He’s kept up with you.”

“This was such a last minute thing,” I said, finally standing up and trying to straighten my make-up.

[/Karie]

[Nick]

“She looks good,” AJ said as I glared at him. As soon as AJ said that, the door opened and Karie and Brian walked back in.

“Sorry about my little leaving thing,” she said, sitting back down. “Can we continue?”

“Of course,” Howie said. “But yes, I’m a new father and husband. Brian and his wife are expecting another baby and Kevin, he also had a little boy last year.”

“AJ, are you and Nick going to round out the next generation of Backstreet Boys?” she asked. I glared at her.

“Not anytime soon,” AJ snorted, looking at me.

“Not anytime soon,” I repeated. “Why don’t you just ask, Karie?”

“I’m only asking what I’m using for an interview,” she said as I laughed, sitting back in the chair.

“Nick, please,” Brian said, looking down at me.

“No, don’t ‘Nick please’ me,” I said, standing up. “Why doesn’t she ask about how the past two years of my life has been like?” Karie rested her elbows on the table and placed her face in her hands. “I’m constantly asked about my kid that you had to tell the whole world about! Why don’t you ask me about her, Karie?”

“Fine!” she yelled, standing up to face me. “How’s your daughter, Nick?”

“She’s dead,” I spat back at her. “Happy? Now you can go write about it again and maybe people won’t constantly be asking me about it,” I said before moving chairs out of the way and walking out of the room.

I walked down the hallway, trying to feel my pockets to see if I had a cigarette on me. Sure it was a nasty habit and it wasn’t good for my voice, but having one once in a while to calm my nerves wouldn’t kill me.

Karie sitting there, asking me those questions, that would be the death of me.

[/Nick]