[Nick]

I swear I forgot to tell her. I just didn’t think about it. It’s not something I wanted to really think about.. me… a father. Why would I want to think about it? I admit that I never expected her to react that badly.

She may have been quiet and went to bed, she reacted badly.

I woke up this morning and she had already left for work. She left a note telling me she had a lot to do and planned to be home early so we could talk. She wants to talk. That’s a good thing, I think.

“Hey Nick,” Brian said as I walked into the studio after grabbing lunch with one of our record producers. I smiled weakly and walked over to grab a guitar, saying nothing. “Shit, you told her, didn’t you?”

I nodded.

“She didn’t take it good?” Brian asked as I licked my lips and shook my head. “What did she say?”

“Well,” I said, looking at Brian. “We started telling each other things about ourselves that each other didn’t know,” I said as Brian nodded. “I told her that I was allergic to cats and she has two. She told me she couldn’t have kids and didn’t want them, and then I had to tell her that I might have a girl knocked up in California and she doesn’t want the baby and won’t have an abortion.”

“Oh man.”

“Yeah, so she basically went to bed, I went to sleep and I woke up to a letter on my chest telling me she went to work early and hoped to be home early so we could talk,” I explained. “What do I do, Rok? I think I fucked up.”

“Well,” Brian said, taking a sip of his hot tea. “It’s not like you cheated on her and you told her shortly after you two got serious so it’s not like you kept it from her for a long time. You just need to get that test done.” I nodded and looked down. “How sure are you that it’s not yours?”

“Sort of 50/50,” I said as Brian shook his head.

“You need to get that test done,” Brian said. “As soon as possible.”

[/Nick]

[Karie]

Nick could be a father. My boyfriend could be a father. I don’t know what to think about that. I don’t know how to feel about that. I couldn’t sleep last night because every time I closed my eyes, I would see Nick holding a baby.

I was eighteen when I was diagnosed with diabetes and found out that my body would never be able to substain the stress of having a child naturally. To say the least, I was relieved that I never got pregnant during all my escapades in high school. I have it stuck in my mind that I’m never going to have kids and honestly, I’m not that good with them. Sure, the older ones are okay, but little babies and I don’t mix – at all.

And now my boyfriend who just told me he loved me might be a father.

“Karie,” I heard someone say as I looked up to see Greg in my doorway. “I think we need to talk,” he said as he walked into my office and shut the door. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

Shit. He knows.

“That I love my job and you’re a great boss?” I asked as he smiled and shook his head. “What is it?”

Someone sent us a tip about something,” he said, handing me a printed website page from E! Online.

What D -list boy band member is dating a country bumpkin’ entertainment reporter from Nashville and recently went to her high school reunion with her?

“Are you kidding me?” I asked, looking up at him.

“He went to the reunion you went to, didn’t he?” Greg asked as I nodded. “Are you actually dating him now?”

“Yeah, kind of,” I said as Greg took the paper back from me. “Is this bad? I mean, is this going to get me in trouble? It just happened and I didn’t plan on it happening…”

“Well,” Greg said, looking at me. “This is coming from your boss Greg, not your friend Greg,” he said as I looked at him questionably. “Use it to your advantage.”

“Meaning…”

“If you get a scoop, go for it,” he said as I raised my eyebrows. “Get exclusives. I know they’re not as famous or big as they used to be but it would be good for the newspaper.”

“You mean use him?”

“Not use him per se,” Greg said, putting his hands on my desk and leaned over. “Use being on the inside to your advantage. If he wants to take you to some award show, go to it, but go to it as a girlfriend and as a journalist.” I nodded. “Hey, if you get any scoops on him or the group here in Nashville, run with it.”

“Yeah,” I said as he stood up and smiled.

“Good to see you getting a life outside of work, kid. Keep it up.” He said as I smiled, watching him walk out of my office.

Was he serious? Did Greg really think that I was going to use Nick to get scoops for my job, which is really just using him. It all equaled out to using him. I leaned back in my chair and picked up my cell phone. I had made the picture of Nick in front of the Ryman Auditorium my wallpaper on my phone.

I had enough to think about than having to worry about using my boyfriend for gossip and celebrity news. Sure, I love celebrity gossip like the next person, but I like writing about music and the industry… how the music is made and why people write the songs that they do. Where do they get inspiration? How did they come up with that song idea? I’m not interested in who Paris Hilton is fucking this week.

Ugh, Paris Hilton. God, his ex.

“Why me?” I asked, looking up at the ceiling. “This is a cruel joke, God. A cruel, cruel joke.”

Dinner is cooked. I cooked steak and potatoes. Nick seems like a steak and potatoes kind of guy. He ate steak while we were in Orlando and I cooked it medium rare just like he had his. I wrote two articles for the paper, copyedited a few pieces and left. I rarely ever leave the office early but I needed to come home early. I told Nick I would be home early so that we could talk. I promised him that I wouldn’t ignore him anymore and I always keep my promises.

I never break promises.

When I was a little girl, my birth father broke promises to me all the time. He said that he would come by and pick me up on Friday afternoon to go get ice cream and go to the park. Saturday morning I would still be waiting at the front door like an idiot. He never came. He broke his promises constantly.

I guess that’s another reason I don’t want to have kids. I don’t want to push bad memories on a child. I don’t want to bring a child into this world full of disease and heartbreak. I don’t want to bring a child into this world where their mother works late most nights because I’ll be damned if I give up my career for a child. I know that sounds bad, but it’s true. I love my job and I love what I do and nothing will make me give it up.

Nothing.

“Karie,” I heard Nick say as I looked up and he had unlocked the door with the key that I had given him. “Hey, you’re home.”

“I told you that I’d be home early,” I said, holding my arms out. “I cooked steak.”

“Great, I’m starving,” he smiled, walking towards the table, wearing a clean looking white t-shirt and jeans. “It looks great. Now I get to see how well you cook,” he said, raising an eyebrow at me. I smiled, watching him fix his plate and I took a sip of my Sprite.

“So how was the studio today?” I asked as he nodded.

“We finished that song that I wrote,” he smiled. “I brought a CD of it home with me so you could listen to later. How was work?”

“Fine,” I nodded, watching him dig into the steak. “Apparently we made it to some gossip page on E! Online for a blind item. My boss brought it to me today.” Nick looked at me questionably. “I told him we were seeing one another, that you went to Orlando with me, and that it wouldn’t interfere with my work.”

“Good,” Nick smiled. “So..”

“How far along is she?” I spat out, watching him take a deep breath.

“Three and a half months from what I was told,” he said, taking a sip of water. “I’m going to get a test done as soon as I head back to LA. AJ and I are going next week because we have to meet with a producer out there and if it’s okay with you, I was going to ship some of my stuff here.” I nodded and smiled. “Listen, this is my responsibility and I don’t expect you to bend your life backwards because I might have gotten some girl knocked up -”

“I know and I’m not,” I said, staring at him. “I mean, it’s your choice, not mine, but you know how I feel.” He nodded, filling his mouth with food. “I don’t mean to sound like a bitch when I say that, I really don’t, it’s just… I’m not the mother type and this relationship is new and you know, that’s not what I want.”

“Trust me, it’s not what I want either,” he muttered, leaning back in the chair.

“What if it is yours, though? What’s going to happen?” I asked as he shrugged. “Could your mother take care of it?” I asked as he snorted. “I know you said Brian and his wife, but you can’t really put that on them unless they really wanted to and even then, it would be weird knowing that the kid was yours.”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” he said, looking stressed. “I’m not ready to be a father. You don’t want kids -”

“This could be your kid,” I said. “You can’t base your decision off what a girl you’ve known almost a month wants. You know? This could be your flesh and blood. A part of you. Me, I’m just a girl that you’ve started dating or… whatever.”

“You’re more than just that and you know it,” he sighed. “You’ve seriously never thought about being a mother? Adoption wise or you know, step mother wise?”

“Even when I was little, when I played house, I didn’t have kids,” I said as he chuckled. “I mean, maybe in a step mother role at some point in my life, but not adoption. I don’t want the responsibility, especially at this point.”

“How about we just wait until the test results come back and then we’ll talk about it?” he asked, obviously getting a little upset. He started eating faster and I sighed, practically picking at my steak and salad.

“What if it is mine and I decide that I want to be a father to it?” Nick asked, staring at me. “Are you going to end things with me?”

“Nick -”

“Seriously, answer me.”

“I’m not going to have you choose between me and your child if it is yours,” I said, standing up from the table. I walked into my room, taking my jewelry off and saw Nick walk up to my door out of the corner of my eye. “I’m not going to be one of those people.”

“What people?”

“That kept my father from me!” I said, turning to face him. “You’ve never asked me about my father.”

“Never really crossed my mind,” he said as I sighed, pulling my hair into a ponytail on top of my head. “I figured he was dead or something.”

“My parents got a divorce when I was four,” I said, standing before him. “My father remarried right after with the woman he was cheating with and basically, she hated me. She didn’t want a kid around. My father would promise that he would come see me and take me out for ice cream and all of that kid crap and he would never show up because of her. I refuse to be that person if the kid is yours, Nick.”

“You don’t have to be,” he said, sitting down on my bed. “Is that why you don’t want kids?”

“I’d be a terrible mother,” I said as he laughed. “I’m serious, Nick. I can half ass take care of these cats and admit it, that food in there sucked. I can’t cook. It’s just not me. I’m not the Betty homemaker type and I don’t want to be. I’m creative. I’m artistic. I’m not domestic.”

“Then if it’s mine, what do you expect me to do because honestly, I don’t have a fucking clue and I hate how it’s already made us fight like this,” he said as I turned around to point at him.

“Exactly!” I exclaimed. “My parents were married for ten years before they had me and they never fought until I was born. Kids ruin relationships!” I said as he nodded.

“Nick,” I sighed, seeing the look on his face. He really was confused. I walked over and sat down next to him on the bed. “I might not like kids and might never want to be a mother, but this is your decision and if it’s yours, you’ve got to decide on what to do. I can’t make it for you and I won’t. It’s just way too early for us in this relationship to even be questioning the whole kid thing and stuff, you know? It’s happened so fast already and we’re still in the getting to know one another stage and – ”

“I didn’t expect this,” he said, looking at me.

“If the kid is yours and you think you can give it the life that it deserves and you’re ready to be a father, then you know what you’ve got to do. If you’re not ready to be a father and you can’t give it a life that it deserves, then give it up for adoption to a family who can,” I said as he smiled at me.

“I hope it’s not mine,” he said, staring me in the eyes. “I swear to God, I’ll never make the same mistake again, but I hope it’s not mine.”

“I know,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck, hugging him.