Chapter Forty - One

Elisabeth stood there staring Nick in the eyes and he did the same thing back to her. She was afraid to move. She was afraid to speak. She was afraid to do anything really because she didn’t know what he was going to say. She didn’t -

“Who is he?” Nick asked as he Elisabeth took a deep breath and leaned against the door, looking down at the floor, “I mean do you even know him? Did you just fucking meet him today?”

“His name is Joshua Gracin. He was on American Idol and he got voted off last week,” Elisabeth said as she looked up at Nick, “He’s in Nashville talking about some record deals and he’s going to be on the show tomorrow,”

“And you fucked him,” Nick muttered as Elisabeth looked away again, “You fucking fucked him Elisabeth!” he yelled as she pressed her lips together, trying not to cry, “You caught a accident that happened with me. Samantha didn’t even get to finish what she started because I fucking pushed her ass away when I realized what was going on! I was drunk and I regret every fucking minute of it!” he yelled as Elisabeth started to cry and looked down at the floor, “But you - you sleep with someone you had never met before and he’s fucking married!”

“You don’t know what went on,” Elisabeth said as she looked up at him crying.

“What? Did he rape you? You damn sure didn’t act like it. What? Did he help you ease your soul because I cheated on you?” Nick asked as Elisabeth stared at him, “I can’t believe you. I expect this out of everybody else but you. God, you took sex so seriously. You treasured yourself, and you just go and sleep with someone that you don’t even know or love -”

“Shut up Nick,” Elisabeth said as she walked away from the door and began to walk by him as he grabbed her arm and turned her around, “Let me go,”

“Did you do that to get back at me?” Nick asked as Elisabeth looked away, “Tell me. If you did just tell me why you did it,” he said as Elisabeth took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes.

“I felt something with him that I’ve never ever experienced before, not even with you Nick. My virginity is gone because I wasted it on you, and you didn’t care enough about me giving that to you that you went off drinking with your ex-girlfriend and ended up with your dick in her mouth in a men’s room. Cherishing and treasuring myself has been shot straight to hell. I have nothing to wait for anymore. I was attracted to him and I felt something with him and I did it. I wanted to and it was so good. I’m not saying this to hurt you I’m saying it because it’s how I feel,” Elisabeth said as Nick let go of her arm and looked away, “I would have felt this way about him if you had never cheated on me Nick and I would have met him tomorrow anyway. Maybe I wouldn’t have acted on it but I did tonight and I don’t regret it,”

“Just,” Nick started to say as he put his hand over his mouth, not knowing what to say.

“Maybe you aren’t my one Nick. Maybe Josh is. I don’t know. My one would never cheat on me and yeah, he’s married and I feel so fucking bad about that because I feel as if I’m no better than Samantha, but there’s this thing there with him and I can’t help it. You messed things up with us Nick and I don’t know if they can ever go back to the point of us getting married,” she said as she held her right hand up showing him the ring,” I moved it there because I don’t know what’s going on with us right now,”

“You wore that when you slept with him?” Nick asked as Elisabeth looked at her ring and then back at him.

“No, I took it off and put it on afterwards,” Elisabeth whispered as Nick looked at the ring again, “I just don’t know and you can’t fuss at me about what I’m doing because of what you did to me - ”

“I didn’t have sexual intercourse with her,” Nick said as he looked her in the eyes, “I didn’t want to. I’ve only wanted to do that with you since the moment I met you and when I was dating her, I pretended it was you,” he said as Elisabeth swallowed, looking him in the eyes, “I will regret what I did Friday for the rest of my life because I fucked up what I wanted so much. But you do what you have to do, because I still love you and my heart is breaking right now, but I’ll be here when you find out that he’s not the one and that you’re making a mistake,” he said as he backed up from her a little, almost falling over the coffee table, “I’m not going anywhere. You sleep with him all you want. Go sleep with the guy upstairs, I’ll be here,”. Nick looked at her and turned around, walking around the sofa and went into the guestroom, slamming the door behind him.

Elisabeth stood there and was frozen. She couldn’t believe that just happened. She put her hands over her face, wondering how her life became so complicated. It used to be so simple, when she only worked and talked on the phone with Nick every night about their day. She didn’t have a boyfriend and it didn’t really bother her either.

Finally she moved, and began walking back up stairs slowly, running her hands up and down her face. Her head was pounding and she felt as if she was going to pass out. She reached the top step, looking at the bed and closed her eyes, walking up to it and threw the covers up over it. She straightened the comforter and reached over at the foot of her bed, grabbing a blanket, and crawled up on the bed, wrapping it around her. She layed down on her side, hugging up to her pillow and looked at the phone.

She took a deep breath, reaching over for it and dialed a number before sticking the phone up to her ear. She can’t believe she was doing this but she had to talk to someone and there was really no one left to talk to.

“Hello?” Ms. Geller said answering the phone as Elisabeth closed her eyes, putting her left hand over her eyes starting to cry, “Elisabeth?”

“Hey mama,” Elisabeth said as she sat up on the bed, getting chocked up. Man she was really going to hell for calling her mom about this.

Nick sat there on the bed in the guestroom with a piece of paper in front of him and biting down on the top of a pen. He wrote a song but he didn’t think he could ever let anybody see it. He damn sure could never perform it, that’s for sure. He felt as if his heart was being ripped out. He had thought about committing suicide but he knew that wasn’t the way out. He just couldn’t take it.

He knew Elisabeth was making a mistake with this guy. A guy from American Idol? What in the HELL was she thinking?

He didn’t know. He had been thinking about that all night long and it was now morning. He hadn’t slept any. He hadn’t left the bed since he walked into the bedroom after talking to Elisabeth. Every time he closed his eyes, he imagined Elisabeth making love with Joshua and he couldn’t stand it. It was supposed to be HIM. Not that guy, but HIM.

He had wracked his brain so much that he was getting hungry. He looked over at the clock to see that it was a little after ten in the morning and decided that maybe Elisabeth had already gone to the mall for her little lunch date with that American Idol dude. He decided to move off of the bed, and walked over to the door and opened it up, walking outside to see Elisabeth walking out of the kitchen. She looked down and walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa. He looked over at her, pressing his lips together and started to walk into the living room.

“What are you going to do today?” Elisabeth asked as Nick paused, looking over at her. He shook his head, walking into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of coffee. He sniffed it, realizing Elisabeth made it and then poured it into the sink. She couldn’t make coffee for hell, “Nick?”

“Sit around here, waiting for you to come to your senses?” Nick asked as Elisabeth looked back at him and then looked away. She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her orange juice, then looked back over at him.

“Nick -”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Nick whispered as he put his hands on the counter, pressing against it. Elisabeth looked back away and closed her eyes, “I just do not want to talk about it,”

“I think we should,” Elisabeth said as she walked into the kitchen, putting her glass in the sink and looked at him, “Because if we don’t, we’ll never get over it,”

“Never get over it?” Nick asked as he looked over at her. She looked a little scared by the way he was asking. “Never get over it? You slept with a married man last night,” he said as Elisabeth crossed her arms and looked away, “He’s married and he has a kid man. What? Are you trying to take the kid’s father away from it?”

“Shut up, it wasn’t like that,” Elisabeth said as she walked over to the refridgerator and opened the door, looking inside, “You don’t understand it,”

“I don’t understand it?” Nick asked as Elisabeth shut the door to the refridgerator and leaned her head back, closing her eyes, “No, really I don’t. You just met him yesterday and you slept with him. God, I knew you two and a half years before we slept together and we dated. It’s not like you to just go and sleep with someone,”

“I wanted to!” Elisabeth yelled as she looked at him, “What the hell is so difficult to understand about that?”

“What’s he got that I don’t have?” Nick asked as Elisabeth rolled her eyes and began to walk back into the living room, “What?” he asked as he followed her, watching her as she sat down on the sofa, “Don’t say he doesn’t cheat, because what do you think he’s doing with you? If he leaves his wife and you two get together, then how do you know he won’t do to you, what he’s doing to his wife right now?”

“Nick -”

“Did you do it just to get me back for what I did in Daytona?” Nick asked as Elisabeth looked over at him, “That’s what it is isn’t it?”

“I’m leaving,” Elisabeth said as she stood up from the sofa and walked over to the door, grabbing her messenger bag off of the floor and put it around her body, “Don’t wait up for me,” she said, looking at him before she opened the door up and walked outside. She slammed the door shut and Nick closed his eyes, and put his hands over his face, wanting to hit something but controlled himself.

Have you ever felt like complete and total trash? That’s sort of how I feel right now. I feel like such a slut, but then again I don’t because I wanted to do it and I enjoyed it.

It’s just, well, Nick.

I didn’t expect him to find out. I never expected him to go into my bedroom to see anything. I didn’t even think about it when he went to borrow some paper. I didn’t really want him to find out period and he did. I don’t regret what I did because I really like Josh and I really feel like there could be something there. We just instantly clicked and I couldn’t help myself.

It’s just seeing Nick so upset; it got to me.

But I can’t help it. I really, really like Joshua Gracin. I didn’t even watch American Idol except once. I didn’t even really notice him really. I liked the dorky little guy, but then when I met him, we just clicked and I’ve never felt that connection before. I didn’t even really feel it with Nick, he was just cute and flirty the first time I met him. I couldn’t help myself. I still can’t believe I slept with someone the first day I met them because it’s so unlike me, but, I couldn’t help it.

For all I know, he could be my one, okay and yeah, I did it to feel even with Nick, but now I feel somewhat horrible with that aspect of it.

Elisabeth sat there at her usual spot in the mall, breaking off small pieces of a huge M&M cookie that she had bought. She was about to starve and was waiting for Joshua to come and meet her for lunch. He said that he would be there, but she had been there for three hours waiting on him and he wasn’t yet. In fact, it was almost time for to head to the offices to get ready for work that day.

She sighed, finishing up the last little crumble of her cookie and reached into her bag for her cell phone. She didn’t have Joshua’s number, so maybe she could call Lance and see if he was already at the studios. She dialed the number and sat there, crossing her leg and watched a older couple walk by, holding hands as she waited for Lance to answer.

“Hello? This is Lance,” Lance said answering his phone in a perky tone. Elisabeth just rolled her eyes.

“Lance, it’s Elisabeth. Is Joshua Gracin there yet? I know he’s supposed to be on the show today -” Elisabeth said as Lance started to laugh and she paused. What the hell is he laughing at?

“I was about to call you about that. He had to go back to California. Something about his wife found out she was pregnant and he needed to be there, that it was more important than the show right now,” Lance said as Elisabeth sat there, with her mouth open.