“Erin, it’s Dad, please pick up,” my father said into the answering machine three days later. I had not left my apartment since I came home. He came by yesterday filling me in on the whole story of my existence and I was more than horrified.

My father didn’t cheat on my mother with the maid, whose name happened to be Erica. He actually took advantage of her. I’m the result of a rape and not only that, they forced her to give up the baby, me, so that nothing could be said in the papers. My mother, well, Joan, stayed out of the public’s eye for six months, and came out after I was born, acting as if she really did have me.

My father said that after I was born, they paid Erica a substantial amount of money so that she would not talk and they never heard from her again. That was my mother – my real mother. She was 26 when she gave birth to me, the same age that I am now. She was originally from Alabama, which might explain my fetish for southern accents. The fact that I was lied to my whole life kills me, but one fact kills me more.

I’m the result of a rape. My father said at the time he was a really bad alcoholic and that he was drunk. He didn’t realize what he had done until he woke up after passing out and she told him. He told me that he had never done anything like that before or since then and apologized for never telling me. He said that was why he was so protective of me with guys because he didn’t want to see a guy take advantage of me like he did with my real mother. In a way, I guess that’s sweet but really, it’s not.

He told me that he was glad that my mother wasn’t my real mother. He said that Tabitha was too much like her and that he could barely stand her anymore. He said that I reminded him of himself at my age and that’s why he wanted me to become the best that I could be and actually make something of myself only to piss my mother off. I was just amused that he confessed to hating my mother, well I guess I should call her Joan now. I don’t know what to call her. He said the only reason he would not divorce her is the fact that they didn’t sign a prenuptial agreement and she could take him for everything he was worth. It was true, she would take everything: the houses, the money, the stocks, the bonds, and most importantly, the company.

I was brought out of my thoughts by knocking at my door. I wasn’t sure how someone got into the building because they usually needed to be buzzed in. Maybe it was one of my neighbors needing to borrow something but when I looked out my small peephole, I saw that it was Nick. Should I open the door or just ignore him? That wasn’t a hard question to answer.

“Yeah?” I whispered, opening the door slightly. “How’d you find my place?”

“Your father sent me here to check on you since he was in a meeting,” he said, staring at me. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he genuinely felt sorry for me. “Are you okay? Do you need something?”

“I’m sorry you had to see her call me a whore,” I said, walking away from the door. I looked back, seeing him shut the door and laugh. I didn’t think it was funny at all. In fact, I thought it was very humiliating.

“Your father had a talk with me, explaining that you weren’t a whore and that she thought that about you because you weren’t settled down like your sister,” he said, looking at me as I sat down on my sofa. “Listen, if you need to talk to someone about this, you can talk to me. I pretty much know how it feels because I found out that I was adopted when I was sixteen.” God he was perfect. Was there anything he couldn’t do?

“I’m just lost right now,” I said, leaning my head back. “I have someone’s blood running through my veins that I don’t know. My father raped their housekeeper and here I am nine months later,”

“He raped her?”

“Yeah, that’s what he told me,”

“Wow,”

“Yeah, it feels pretty shitty,” I replied, putting my hands over my eyes. “It just makes me feel like I’m not supposed to be here and that I shouldn’t have been conceived because the sex wasn’t mutual. It’s like I don’t even really know who I am anymore,”

“You’re still the same person,” he said, looking me in the eyes as he sat down beside me. I just wanted to reach over a swim in them, washing all of my troubles away. “You should hear how your father talks about you. You might be the result of a rape, but he’s crazy about you. He’s so proud of you and he loves you so much.”

I stared at his lips, moving as he continued talking about how much my father loves me. I could kiss and suck on them all day long if I didn’t have to come up to breathe every so often. I could just get lost in his kisses if they were anything like they were at the club that night.

“Maybe you should just go Nick,” I said, standing up to show him out. “I’ll be fine. Tell my Dad I’ll be at work tomorrow,”

“Are you going to be alright?” I nodded my head in return and smiled. “Well here,” he said, pulling out a piece of paper, “this is my home, cell, and office number on here incase you want to talk,” I smiled, telling him thank you before shutting the door.

He was right. I knew that my father loved me, more than my mother ever claimed to. He was always there for me, taking up for me when no one else would. I wondered if I actually went to him and asked him about going out with Nick, would he be okay with it? It wouldn’t hurt to ask.

When I walked into my office the next morning, there were roses all around — several dozen of them in fact. I knew they were from my father, probably apologizing for the umpteenth time. I smiled, seeing my messages on my desk. Lily had called me twice already that morning. I hadn’t talked to her since her home alone date with Devin went. She didn’t even know about my whole conception ordeal. I needed to call her and see if we could hang out sometime soon so I could talk to her about it. She was like my therapist and I was like her lab rat.

“Erin,” I looked around to see Nick peeking through our adjoining door. “Come in here, I’ve got something to show you,” I sighed, wondering what on earth he possibly had to show me besides himself, in bed, naked, and ready to make passionate love. “Look at this,” he said, turning his drawing board around.

I looked to see a colorful evening dress, obviously silky material. It was actually beautiful. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, I love it,” I said, looking at him. “Is this for the spring line?” He nodded, showing me another design that was similar to the other one except in a solid light pink color. He wanted to know which I liked better: the solid color or the rainbowish one.

“I think the solid color is too plain,” he said, crossing his arms, looking at me. He had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and he had already worked up a sweat at ten in the morning. “So?”

“I like the colorful one too,” I said, handing him the solid color sketch. “It’s different and it’s not as plain,” I said, looking at him as he admired the drawing. I was so taken in by his admiration of the dress that I didn’t even hear my father saying my name.

“Erin, can I see you in my office?” he said before walking out. I smiled at Nick. God, I didn’t feel like talking to my father about the situation today. I just wanted a day where it didn’t really cross my mind at all. I walked into his office and shut the door, seeing him sitting at his desk smiling. “I’m glad you’re back,”

“Me too,” I said, smiling. “Listen, Dad, I had a question I wanted to ask you,”

“Go for it,” he said, picking up a paper to read. This was my shot. I could ask him if I could bypass the office policy or if I should just fuck Nick’s brains out on the side. “Erin?”

“Right,” I said, wanting to laugh. “I know I have never asked this before and I have always followed the office policy Dad,”

“You want to go out with Nickolas,” he said, not even looking up at me. Wow. He knew. Was I that obvious? God, maybe he knew we had already met, made out, and almost had sex. “Is that what you wanted, sugar?”

“Yeah it is. It’s just that he’s really nice and we seem to get along pretty well and we have a lot of things in common and I think it’s time that I move on from Daniel, don’t you think?” I asked. I was praying for him to say that it was a fine idea and that Nick would make the perfect boyfriend for me, or at least possible lover or booty-call.

“Erin, Nickolas is a fine young man but I would rather you didn’t,” he said, looking up at me. My heart was broken once again. “He is going to be our main designer for the new spring line and I don’t want anything to jeopardize that. What if you went out and something happened, causing you two to become unable to work together,”

“Yeah, I know and that’s why you have the company policy,” I replied, wanting to just run out of the office.

“I want you two to become friends because you are going to be working a lot together in the future and I want you to show him around town and events, but as far as dating, I’d rather you didn’t,” he said, smiling at me.

“Okay Daddy, thanks for listening,” I replied, walking out of his office. He was right, it could jeopardize the Spring line if we began sleeping together and dating and things didn’t work out. That would jeopardize everything that my father and grandfather had worked for their entire lives.

Of course as I pass by Nick’s office, looking in to see him so enthused with a design, I wanted to cry inside. There was something about him that I couldn’t get enough of. Not only did he share my love of fashion, but he also knew what I was going through. That’s when I have to remember that the company my father and grandfather had built was more important than a relationship – much more important.