“That is just your luck that you cowboy is also your new co-worker,” Lily said the next morning as we sat, having coffee before she headed off to class and I headed for work. She always had some kind of comeback for one of my many love-life situations. “I mean, I can’t believe you almost had sex with him.”

“He’s just so, God Lily, you have to meet him,” I replied, staring out the window, watching the people pass by. “He’s perfect. He’s absolutely perfect,”

“Well that’s how my date went,” she replied, sounding like a schoolgirl. She told me how the guy, Devin, took her to a small diner, and that it was cheap but she loved it. After eating at the Diner, they went up to Malibu and walked along the boardwalks and at the end of the date, they kissed.

I smiled. It had been a while since Lily had even considered kissing a guy since her last boyfriend, Bryan, had cheated on her with several different people. “That’s great Lily, so are you going out again?”

“Tomorrow night,” she replied, smiling at me. “He’s coming over to my apartment.” I knew what she had in mind. She had exactly what Nick and I had on our mind in that ladies room. It was a good thing, she needed to feel special again and besides, from what I heard about Bryan, he wasn’t much in bed to begin with. “What about this Nick? Are you going to see each other again?”

“We can’t. My father’s stupid policy and I can’t go against it. He strictly enforces it,” I said. Then I went on to tell her how I wanted to fuck him on top of that policy, leaving sweat on other bodily fluids on it. I couldn’t help it. He was what I liked to call “fuckable”.

“I guess you’ve forgotten all about Daniel, huh?” Lily asked as I smiled, taking a sip of my orange juice. She was right. I had forgotten about Daniel and in a way that was a good thing and a bad thing.
Or at least I thought so.

I walked into the office a little later, picking up my messages from Sabrina. I walked to my office trying my best to ignore Nick’s office door. I just knew he was already in there, probably dreaming about ways to make me reach a point of ecstasy that I could only dream about now.

Then I remembered something.

Nick never called me last night to tell me his cell phone number. I wondered if he decided against it because of the policy or if he never got it. That alone made me want to walk through our adjoining door and ask him about it. I didn’t. I remained cool. I needed to keep my composure and not let anybody see me get so worked up.

“Erin,” my father said as I jumped, looking up to see him and Nick walk into my office. My heart fell down to my feet. He had on a loose buttoned up shirt and a loose tie that I just wanted to pull on as I made passionate love to him. “I just informed Nickolas of all of the office rules and policies,”

Great, I thought as I smiled slightly. “He told me what a great job you did showing him around yesterday,”

“No problem,” I said, sitting down in my chair. I turned my computer on, trying not to stare at Nick but I couldn’t help it. My eyes kept inching back up his body to look in his eyes.

“Erin, did you hear me?” my father asked as I blinked my eyes, looking at him. “I should have known not to come in and bother you so early in the morning. You’re hardly awake.”

“No Daddy, I’m awake, I was just thinking,” I replied, standing up again, “What were you saying?”

“I was asking you if any events were coming up on your social calendar soon,” my father asked. I looked at him questionably wondering what the hell he was asking me. “Parties, award shows, that short of thing that you go to,”

“Oh right,” I replied, flipping through my date book. There was a party this Thursday but I wouldn’t be attending it. Oh, next week. “Yeah, next week are the MTV Awards, they’re here in LA this year, why?”

“I want you to take Nicklolas out and introduce him to some people, help him get the hang of things in LA,” my father said as I looked at Nick. He had a smirk on his face and I wanted to smirk right back.

“But Daddy, people will think he’s my boyfriend,”

“Introduce him as the new designer. Don’t go to the parties and awards as Erin, my daughter. Go to them as Erin Davidson, a highly respected representative from Stellar Designs.” He said as he pointed at me. “It’s an order,”

Before I could say anything he walked out of my office. I didn’t even want to look at Nick who I thought had walked out when my door was shut. I looked up, seeing him there. God, I want him to leave before I attack him. How could anybody be that fine and be so unreachable for me?

“He insisted that I want you to know,” Nick said, walking towards my desk with a folder in his hand. “He pretty much made it very clear to me not to cross any boundaries with you or my ass would be out of a job.” Great, now my father was warning people. I started telling Nick how my father thought I was still a teenager. For God’s sake, I’m 26 years old and I’m not a little girl.

“You’re 26? I’m 28,” he said as I paused, staring at him. Ah, not too old and not too young. He was just right. Damn, he really was perfect. “Anyway, he wants me to get on the spring line as soon as possible so I suppose I better get to work. He told me to get some feedback from you if I have any questions,”

“Good luck,” I said as I watched him walk to our adjoining door. He shut the door behind him and I laid my head on the desk. This was going to be the death of me, I just knew it.

“Oh Erin,” my father said, walking into my office again. I looked up to see him peeking his head in the door. “Dinner tomorrow night at the house and your mother says you must come,” Great, now I knew how I was going to die. I was going to die from being sexually frustrated and frustrated in general because of my mother.

After surviving two days of work, lusting after Nick and knowing that all I could do was look but not touch, I ended up sitting outside my parents’ home in Beverly Hills. I knew that if I walked in there that Daniel would be there. I just knew it. I had to come because if I didn’t, I would never hear the end of it. My mother would probably call me up and tell me that I was a disgrace to the family.

I knew what I had to do. I had to go into that house and be strong. I had to show them that I’m not going to back down and marry someone when I’m not ready. Not to mention, most importantly, that I don’t want to marry. I had to go in there and show Daniel that I’m not sitting around and crying about our breakup.

“Honey, you’re here,” my mother said so elegantly as I walked into the house. I looked around, seeing Daniel sitting on the sofa across the hall in the living room and looked at my mother. “Oh honey, he just wanted to come by and visit and I invited him to dinner.” Sure, I believed her.

“Sure,” I replied, looking at her before telling her that there was no way that I was going to marry him so she didn’t need to start tonight. I gave her a dirty look before walking across the wide hallway and into the living room. I paused. Not only was Daniel in there but Nick was also. “Nick, what are you doing here?”

“Your father invited me to dinner,” he said, looking at Daniel. “I was just meeting Daniel here.”

“Hey Erin,” Daniel said, looking away. I looked at Nick who knew what I was thinking. I told Daniel hello and walked out of the living room wondering how I was going to handle this. I could handle Daniel being here. I could just ignore him but I couldn’t just ignore Nick.

“Mom, the girls are asleep,” Tabitha, my sister, said as she walked downstairs. My father had told me earlier that day that David, Tabitha’s husband, was out of town on business for a few days and she would be staying here. She looked so elegant, much like my mother with their dark hair, brown eyes, and lovely pearl necklaces on. I looked down at my little pink summer dress and matching purse. I didn’t look like that at all. I wasn’t that type of person.

“Erin, sit down at the table in the dining room. Sylvia says dinner’s ready,” my mother said. I walked towards the dining room, sitting down in my usual seat and said hello to Sylvia, our cook who had been working for my parents since I was just a small baby. She was more a mother to me than my mother was. Before I could think of anything else, I saw Nick walk up, sitting in the seat beside me. This was perfect. I looked over, seeing the look on Daniel’s face as he sat down across from Nick, probably wondering why Nick had taken his usual seat. I knew that this was going to be one interesting dinner to say the least.

I sat through dinner, listening to my father brag about all of Nick’s accomplishments. I hated how he called him “Nickolas” and I’m sure Nick hated it just as much. I kept noticing Daniel looking at me all night and I knew this family friendship would not last much longer because one of us would have to leave it, me or him. I didn’t know if I could handle seeing him at every family dinner or holiday.

“So Erin, Daniel got a promotion at work,” my mother said, smiling at me. I looked at Daniel, telling him congratulations and then looked at my father, asking him about a project that was due the next day. “The least you could do is talk more about it,” I stopped mid-sentence and looked at my mother. Did she really just say that to me?

“Mom, give it up,” I replied, looking at Daniel. “I’m sorry she’s being this way and Nick, I’m sorry that you have to sit here and witness how my mother criticizes my every decision.”

“I do not criticize your every decision,” my mother said, looking at me. “I like your hair like that very much.”

“Mom, please,” I said, practically slamming my fork down on my plate. “You hated the fact that I went to work with Dad. You hated the fact that I’m not ready to get married and be a fancy little socialite like you and Tabitha. You want me to marry Daniel and I don’t want to marry him. I’m not ready to be married,” I said, looking at Daniel. “Daniel, I told you that I was sorry and everything and I’m sorry that my mother is putting you through this but the answer is and will always be no.”

“You are an ungrateful daughter,” my mother said as my father tried to butt into our argument. My face was turning red and I was about to explode. “You’re right. You never do anything right. You can never stick with one relationship and you’re always running around with other guys,” she said, looking at Daniel, “Except when you were with him and you acted almost like a decent young woman.”

“So are you calling me a whore?” I asked, almost in shock. I looked over at my father who was telling my mother to keep her mouth shut. “You know what,” I said as I stood up. “That’s fine. I might not be some little fancy homemaker like Tabitha or you and want maids and cooks working for me while I sit on my ass all day and pop out babies, but I’m not a whore. I’m just trying to find out who I really am and I wish to god you weren’t my mother because I hate you,”

“Erin!” My father yelled, standing up from the table. “Apologize to your mother.”

“Why don’t you guys just tell her the truth,” Tabitha said, taking her napkin out of her lap and placing it on her plate. What truth? What the hell was she talking about? “Mother, you do treat her a lot differently then you treat me and you know why you do that,”

“Shut up Tabitha,” My father said, walking around the table to me. “Erin, I want you to apologize to your mother right now and apologize to Daniel and Nickolas for your behavior.”

“What truth?” I asked, looking at them. “What are you talking about Tabitha?”

“Well I’m telling her,” Tabitha said, standing up to look me in the eyes. “We don’t have the same mother. That’s why you look nothing like us. You look like your real mother,” she said. I started to feel light headed. Did she just tell me that my mother wasn’t my mother? I looked at my father who just looked away in return. “Go ahead and tell her Mom.”

“Your father cheated on me with one of our housekeepers here at the house and she got pregnant. We paid her off and adopted you because I couldn’t have anymore children after Tabitha,” she said, taking a sip of wine, acting as if the whole situation didn’t bother her. It was just a little story that she was telling and didn’t rip my soul completely out of my body, but then, that’s the reason she’s always treated me differently. That explains it.

“Erin, I’m sorry,” my father said as I pushed away from him. I grabbed my purse and walked out of the house. I didn’t know what was going on inside of my head. I knew that I was never coming back here for a family dinner again. I was embarrassed and felt empty. I felt like I really didn’t know who I was anymore. I was embarrassed because Nick had to witness that and hear my mother basically call me a whore.

I got in my car and pulled out of the driveway and looked back at the house. Nick was standing in the doorway with my father and I just stared at them as I pulled onto the street, leaving. I knew over a week ago when I told Daniel that I wouldn’t marry him that I had to find myself but now, I really didn’t think I knew who I was at all.