Chapter Twenty – Six - Fighting You

[ Caraline Narrating ]

I’m not sure what is going on with me the past twenty-four hours. It’s like my head has totally turned around and I’m not sure what’s going on at all. It’s almost as if I’ve stepped outside of my body into my past and it’s just weird.

I guess it all started when I saw Bryan. I have not seen him since we broke up and I guess it was too much for me. It was almost like I was pulled back into his charm and everything. His charm is what made me fall for him all of those years ago in the first place. I’ve tried to fight myself from seeing him so I wouldn’t fall back into that and it happened anyway.

Now I’m scared that I’ve messed things up with Nick.

After the whole trip to the cabin, I’m so starting to fall for him but after seeing Bryan, I know that I was weird around him. I know that he knows that something is going on with me. Why else would he leave me early? I know that’s the reason that he left early. He or anybody else doesn’t have to tell me that. I know that’s the reason. I feel so bad too because here I was the whole time asking him how did I know to trust him, about being the only one. Then here I go seeing my ex-boyfriend and all of these feelings come rushing back to me. It’s almost like I’m cheating on him. It’s wrong.

It’s very wrong.

I don’t know what to do really. I do know one thing though, that I’m gonna go back home with my sister for a day or two I think. I probably really need to go home because I haven’t been there in a while. I just hope Bryan doesn’t come over because, it won’t help matters much at all. I think he knows to stay away because, well, my mom doesn’t like him very much. I just feel bad about Nick. I tried calling him earlier to tell him that I was going home with my sister for a day or two but his cell phone was off and I guess he was working or something. I left him a message and told him to call me, but he hasn’t yet.

And that scares me a little.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Caraline sat there on the bed in her bedroom. She hugged up to a pillow that was in her lap, looking around her room at some posters. It’s the same posters that she had kept on her wall since she was in high school. Of course, there was a Faith and Tim poster, along with several pictures of them, then a poster of Bon Jovi, Shania Twain, Motley Crue, and Bryan Adams. Her room hadn’t changed at all.

But she – she had changed a lot.

”Caraline,” Mrs. Morgan said as she peeked into the room and Caraline cut her eyes over, looking at her mother, “April said I should come up here and check on you,” she said as she walked into the room and Caraline smiled, “Are you okay?”

”I’m fine. I’m just sitting here thinking,” Caraline said as she moved the pillow out of her lap and looked down at her cell phone, waiting for it to ring, “Nick hasn’t called me back yet,”

”He’ll call you back,” Mrs. Morgan said as Caraline smiled a little, “April told me that you really liked him,”

”I do,” Caraline whispered, looking up at her and then back down at the phone, “It’s just a little complicated,”

”It can’t be too complicated,” Mrs. Morgan said as Caraline’s bedroom door opened again and April peeked her head in.

”Mom, come here,” April said as Caraline’s mother stood up and walked over to the door. Caraline looked back down at her phone and then looked back up to see Bryan walking into her room.

”What are you doing here?” Caraline asked as she moved up on her bed a little and he shut the door.

”I just wanted to come by to see you. Some guy on Tim’s crew said that you had came home for a few days because you were upset. Are you okay?” Bryan asked as Caraline nodded her head and looked back down at her cell phone, “Well why didn’t you just tell me last night when we talked that you were going to come home?”

”I didn’t know,” Caraline whispered as she looked back up at him, standing up from her bed, “I didn’t know I was going to come home until a few hours ago when I talked to April,”

”Where’s, uh, what’s his name? The Backstreet Boy.”

”He had to go to New York to record some,” Caraline said as she crossed her arms and looked down, “And his name is Nick,”

”Yeah, Nick,” Bryan said as he laughed a little and Caraline looked up at him, “Did you two have a fight or something?”

”No,” Caraline said as she nodded her head no, “He had to go work. I’m gonna go see him in a few days,” she said as she looked away, “Everything is fine,”

”You’re not looking me in the eyes when you say that,” Bryan said as Caraline cut her eyes back, looking into his, “I know you when you lie. You always look away,”

”You know me too well,” Caraline said as she looked at him, as she walked around her bed and over near her window, looking out of it.

”It’s me isn’t it?”

”No,”

”Oh don’t say that,” Bryan said as Caraline looked over her shoulder at him as he stood there, looking around the room, “You haven’t even changed this place. It’s like taking a walk back in time or something,” he said as he looked over on a little shelf seeing their prom picture, “Definitely a step back in time,”

”Well I’m never here,” Caraline whispered as she looked down at her cell phone, yet again. She noticed it looked the same as it did a few minutes ago and looked back over her shoulder to see that Bryan was standing closer to her.

”It’s because of me though right? Why you wanted to come home?”

”Why would you think that?”

”You called me last night, remember?” Bryan asked as Caraline looked away, looking back out the window as a truck pulled up outside and she smiled, realizing it was her brother Andy.

”I remember,”

”You said that when you saw me all of the old feelings came back,”

”I know what I said,”

”Is that why you got upset?”

”Sure of yourself huh?”

”I’m just asking. It never hurts to ask. At least that’s what you always used to say,” Bryan said as Caraline continued to stare out the window, crossing her arms again, leaning up against the side of the window. She heard the floor squeak a little as he walked closer to her and she looked over her shoulder at him again.

”I think Nick felt weird because I was acting weird after I saw you and that’s why he left. At least that’s what I think any way,” she whispered as she looked back out the window, “And don’t ask why was I acting weird,”

”Why were you acting weird?” Bryan asked as Caraline continued to stare out the window, “Caraline?”

”Because,” Caraline said as she turned around, looking at him, “Deep down, I really do have feelings for you steal. How would you expect me not to? You were my first everything. You were my first real boyfriend. You were the first person I kissed. You were the first guy I ever made love with. You were the first person I ever really loved. Those feelings are always going to be there. Like I told you last night, I didn’t break up with you because I stopped loving you. I just needed to move on with my life,”

”I don’t understand why I couldn’t have been a part of that,” Bryan said as Caraline rolled her eyes, looking away, “I supported you in what you wanted to do. I thought you were great at designing things and doing what you did,”

”I know you did,”

”You still love me though right?”

”I always will,” Caraline said as she looked back at him, looking into his eyes.

”Well I still love you too,” Bryan whispered as Caraline took a deep breath and then pressed her lips together, looking at him. They stood there looking at one another, moving their faces closer together slowly and closing their eyes when all of a sudden her phone started to ring.

”Hello?” Caraline asked, answering it in a hurry, walking away from Bryan as he closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, “Hello?”

”Hey,”

”Nick?”

”Yeah, it’s me,” Nick said as Caraline smiled into the phone and then looked up in the mirror to see Bryan with his back to her, “Sorry it took so long for me to reply. I went to sleep after I got in and I just woke up,”

”It’s okay,” Caraline whispered as she smiled and was about to say something when Bryan interrupted her.

”Caraline, I’ll be right back okay?” Bryan said as Caraline looked back at him, nodding her head.

”Who was that?” Nick asked as Caraline looked back at Bryan as he walked out of her room, “Your brother?”

”No,” Caraline said as she sighed, “Bryan came over and –“

”Oh okay,” Nick said as Caraline closed her eyes, “Well you have company so I’ll just let you go –“

”Nick, no,” Caraline said as she walked back over to the window, looking out of it, “It’s not like that okay?”

”Caraline, I heard you on the phone last night with him. It’s okay, I understand,” he said as Caraline closed her eyes, “I’ll talk to you later okay?”

”Nick –“

”Bye,” Nick whispered into the phone as Caraline heard the line click. She rested her head against the window, closing her phone as she put it down beside her. She kept sniffing her nose a little, trying her best not to cry but it didn’t help. She couldn’t hold it back and she began crying.

”Caraline?” Bryan asked as he walked back into her room, seeing her with her head against the window. She turned around, looking at him as she wiped the tears away from her eyes. He walked up closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her until finally she gave in and started to hug him back, resting her head on his shoulder.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Nick stood there in his hotel room with his hands on his head. He pulled his hair lightly and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like a total wreck. He was nervous. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. Then he just laughed at himself a little, knowing why he was nervous. He hated the fact that Bryan was there with her. Then thought started running through his mind.

What if she was going to get back with him? Maybe he shouldn’t have ever came back to New York? Maybe he should go to Star and be with her? Maybe Caraline and Bryan will make love tonight and she’ll forget all about him.

He closed his eyes, running his hands over his face, and sighed, looking back in the mirror. He looked over at the door, taking a deep breath and began walking towards it. He licked his lips, looking at the door knob and put his hand on it, twisting it, so that it opened.

Tonight, he wasn’t going to worry about it.