Chapter Fourteen - When I Wake Up

Nick moved his lips a little, licking them slightly as he rolled over on his stomach, holding onto his pillow. He scrunched his nose up a little, spreading his legs out on the bed, smiling to himself as he opened his eyes, seeing a empty bed beside him. He blinked his eyes a little, and jumped up in bed, looking around.

“Caraline?!?” Nick yelled out as he jumped off of the bed, and walked into the living room of the suite to see that her DVD’s and her bag was gone, “Caraline, are you here?” He stopped and listened to the silence.

Nobody answered.

“Caraline?” Nick asked as he walked back into the bedroom, looking around. He turned around in circles scanning the room until he looked over on the nightstand beside the side of the bed that she was laying on, seeing a note. He practically ran over, picking it up to see his name written at the top and smiled a little, opening it up.

Dear Nick,

I’m really sorry that I’m not going to be here with you when you wake up, but I had to leave. I’m sure you’ll sleep late due to the fact that we stayed up really late last night, talking and kissing and I loved that. I really, really loved that a lot but, I’ve gotta go.

I can’t give up this job with Tim. It would be good for my career and I’m sure you understand that. It’s like another thing I can put on my credentials. I’ve really worked too hard to get to where I am today to give up something like that, even though I basically got the job because of Faith. I’m sure you understand that sometimes you have to put your career and life in front of other things.

I just want you to know that I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and I hope that we can see each other again. I think my whole perception about you being a player and man whore has changed, and I don’t see you that way really anymore. I’m sorry I just called you a man whore. I only have one piece of paper and this is a pen so I can’t erase it, but you know what I mean - all of the groupies and such.

You’re really special to me, I just want you to know that. You’ll probably never understand why, but you are. If by some chance I never get to see or talk to you again, I just wanted you to know that.

Love,

Caraline

Nick sat down on the edge of the bed, holding the letter in his hand with a confused look on his face. He didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand why she was telling him last night she didn’t think he was going to take the job, and then up and leave without even waking him up to tell him goodbye.

She didn’t leave her number or anything. He had no way in getting in touch with her. He looked over at the clock seeing that it was one in the afternoon. He knew she had already left with Tim and Faith. He had no idea where they were going.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Caraline sat there on the plane, looking out the window at the clouds as they moved by them. She kept wondering if Nick had woken up and read her letter, or if he would even notice that she was gone or remembered her being there. For a few minutes after boarding the plane, she had a feeling that she was doing the wrong thing, but then she suddenly snapped out of it, realizing that it was the right thing.

“Caraline,” Faith said as she sat down in the empty seat beside her. Caraline just looked over and smiled, before looking back out the window, “You’ve been quiet all day. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah it’s fine,” Caraline whispered, not even looking back at her.

“Are you sure? How did your night with Nick go?” Faith asked as Caraline looked out the window, without even blinking her eyes, “Are you upset that you had to leave him?”

“Nah,” she whispered as she looked back over at Faith, “I’m doing what I want to do,”

“I know, but I just want to make sure that -”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m okay, really,”

“I don’t believe you,” Faith said as Caraline looked down, tucking her hair behind her ears, “You seem sad and you seem upset about something, what is it?”

“I’m fine,” Caraline whispered as she looked at Faith again, “I promise, I am.”

“Okay,” Faith said as she smiled, standing back up and going back to her seat. Caraline looked back at her as she walked away and turned her head back to the window, looking out of it.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Nick sat there on his bed in his bedroom, looking at his cell phone, debating on who he should call. He needed to talk to someone, but he had no idea who to go to for advice. He couldn’t go to his dad because he would tell him he didn’t need a serious relationship and should just continue to be who he is.

He didn’t want that.

His parents were going through enough problems and he didn’t need to talk to them about trying to get a girl into a relationship with him. He wasn’t going to talk to his brother and he wasn’t really talking to any of his friends right now. He could always call one of the guys but he didn’t know who to call. He wasn’t going to call AJ considering his track record with women and engagements. He definitely not Howie because he never stays in a relationship. He could always call Brian or Kevin but he didn’t need one of their ‘I can’t believe Nick is finally growing up’ chats.

He sat there, resting his head in his hands. He felt like he wanted to cry but he was holding it back. He hardly ever cried. His heart was beating so fast that he felt as if it was going to jump out of his chest. He felt like the world was spinning around him so fast that he was going to pass out. He just didn’t know what to do.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

[ Caraline Narrating ]

I’m a horrible, evil bitch.

I feel so horrible for the way that I left things with Nick. He probably thinks that I hate him or something and I don’t. I don’t hate him at all, but I just couldn’t stay there. I was too wrapped into things last night and I couldn’t give up this job opportunity to spend a few days and nights with a guy that I hardly knew in New York.

I couldn’t do that, and I couldn’t face him to tell him that. He looked so peaceful lying there asleep that I just couldn’t wake him up and tell him that I was leaving. I was scared and I had to go. I couldn’t stay there.

I think he’s going to hate me now, but I know I need to take this job and stay with the life that I’m used to.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Mommy, can I go over to Caraline’s room and watch The Lion King?” Maggie asked that afternoon. They had already arrived in Charlotte, North Carolina where Tim and his band would be rehearsing for their tour, “Please Mommy?”

“I don’t know baby, Caraline doesn’t feel too good,” Faith said as Tim sat there on the sofa in their suite, looking over some projected set list for the tour.

“She has been quiet most of the day,” Tim said as he looked over at Faith, “Why don’t you go talk to her?”

“I’ve tried,” Faith said as she picked Gracie up, holding her, “I think it has to do with Nick, but I’m not sure. She usually talks to me about things but she’s really quiet about this and swears that she’s fine with everything,”

“Want me to go and try to talk to her?” Tim asked as he stood up from the sofa, holding the papers in his right hand.

“Better not. Maybe she just needs some time alone,” Faith said as Tim nodded his head, agreeing with her and walked into the other room.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Caraline layed there on her bed, in her hotel, watching a episode of Friends from the fourth season. She had her head buried in a pillow, crying softly as she watched it. It was the last episode of that season, where Ross was marrying a girl named Emily in London and everybody was there except for Phoebe and Rachel. Then Rachel realized she was still in love with Ross and left to go to London to tell him.

Knock Knock

“Coming,” Caraline said as she sat up on her bed, wiping her eyes dry. She climbed off of the bed, pulling her t-shirt down a little and looked out of the door to see Faith standing outside, “Hey,” she said as she opened the door.

“You’ve been crying,” Faith said as she walked into the room and shut the door behind her, “Caraline, tell me what’s wrong, please. Do you regret signing the contract or something?”

“No,” Caraline said as she sat back down on the bed, looking at the TV, “This is just a very emotional episode of Friends.”

“It’s Nick isn’t it?” Faith asked as Caraline cut her eyes, looking over at her. She looked back at the TV and Faith just shook her head at her, “Caraline, what happened?”

“Last night, we talked and we kissed and he told me he didn’t want me to leave today and I told him I didn’t think I wanted to either. But he fell asleep and I was watching him sleep,” she said as she started crying a little, “and I knew that I couldn’t give this job up because of a guy, no matter how much I liked him, and so I left.”

“You left?”

“Yes,”

“After he woke up?”

“Before he woke up,” Caraline said as she looked back at Faith, “I wrote him a note and left it for him, I couldn’t tell him goodbye so I left and went back to my room and that’s when I called over telling you guys that I was packing my things and I was going to come with you,”

“Caraline,” Faith said as she sighed, walking over to the bed and sat down, in front of her, “You should have told him goodbye yourself. Why did you do that? Why did you just up and leave him?”

“I don’t know,” Caraline said as she started crying more, “I was just scared and I don’t know I just wrote him a letter and I left,”

“Scared of what?” Faith asked as Caraline looked down, “What could you possibly be scared of? Getting close to someone?”

“Everything. I’m scared of him,” Caraline said as she stood up off of the bed and walked over to the corner, and leaned up against the wall. Faith sat there, looking at her as she wiped the tears away from her eyes, “I’m scared of him ,”

“Why are you scared of him?” Faith asked as she stood up, crossing her arms, “Caraline?”

“I’m scared of the way he makes me feel,” Caraline said as she put her hands over her face, leaning over against the wall, “I’m just scared of it all and I don’t want to get hurt,”

“Hurt how?” Faith asked as she walked over closer to Caraline, “How do you think he’s going to hurt you? What makes you think that?”

“His lifestyle,” Caraline said as she moved her hands from her face, “He says he can change it all, you know, the drinking and the groupies, and the partying. How do I know that I’m just not another groupie to him? That he’ll get me in bed and just throw me away and forget about me?”

“Caraline,” Faith said as she walked over to her, and started to hug her, “What makes you think that he would sleep with you and then forget about you?”

“I don’t know,” Caraline whispered as she hugged Faith back, “He just scares me,”

“Why don’t you call him?”

“I don’t have his number,” Caraline whispered as they stopped hugging, “And he doesn’t have mine,” she said as she looked down, “I could call the hotel but.. I don’t want to,”

“Caraline -”

“Faith, no,”

“Okay,” Faith said as she put her hands on her shoulders, “But you shouldn’t stay here in the room the whole night and be depressed. Maggie was wondering if you wanted to watch The Lion King.”

“Okay tell her I’ll be over in a little bit. I’m gonna go shower and change first,” Caraline said as Faith smiled.

“Okay,” Faith said as she turned around, walking over to the door. She opened it up and looked back at Caraline who leaned over, getting something out of her bag, and smiled as she started to walk out of the door.